Month: June 2025

Trust as the Foundation of a Healthy Marriage

Welcome back to the FORTRESS series! Last week, we explored the value of Respect and how it lays a firm foundation in marriage. This week, we turn our attention to a tender, powerful force: Trust – the fourth pillar in our Love Fortress.

Trust is the atmosphere in which love breathes. It’s the invisible ecosystem that supports joy, intimacy, peace, and partnership. Without trust, even the most passionate love can feel uncertain. But with trust, your marriage becomes a safe haven, a place where hearts can rest and souls can thrive.

The Bible tells us, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain” (Proverbs 31:11, NKJV). That kind of security doesn’t come by accident—it is cultivated intentionally.

What Does Trust Look Like in Marriage?

Trust looks like showing up when you say you will, listening without judgment, telling the truth even when it’s difficult, and defending your spouse’s name whether they’re in the room or not. It means you believe the best about one another and are willing to talk openly, pray consistently, and serve sacrificially.

Trust isn’t about perfection—it’s about consistency and commitment. It’s found in the little choices we make every day to honor, protect, and prioritize our spouse.

When a couple builds trust over time, emotional walls come down, and deep connection begins to grow. Vulnerability becomes less risky. Communication becomes more honest. Forgiveness flows more freely. In essence, trust becomes the ecosystem where love is able to fully bloom.

How to Build and Maintain Trust

One of the best ways to build trust is to speak truth with love. Ephesians 4:25 reminds us, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” In marriage, this means being transparent with your feelings, finances, plans, and past—not hiding behind silence or secrecy.

Trust also grows when promises are kept. Small things, like following through on a date night or remembering to pray together, send a strong message: “You can rely on me.” Be present, be consistent, and be someone your spouse can count on.

And don’t underestimate the power of grace. We are all human and make mistakes. Extend the same mercy to your spouse that God extends to us each day. As Lamentations 3:22–23 reminds us, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning.” A marriage that walks in mercy walks in strength.

Trust and Boundaries Go Hand-in-Hand

Boundaries in marriage are not about building walls to keep each other out—they are about creating safe spaces where love can thrive. But here’s the truth: boundaries only work when there is trust.

You can’t set healthy boundaries with someone who disregards them. You can’t feel free in a relationship where your emotional safety is constantly compromised. And you can’t flourish inside a fortress if you’re locked in with someone you don’t trust. That’s not love—it’s confinement. And confinement leads to resentment, anxiety, and even depression.

Imagine living in a castle where every room holds uncertainty. You don’t know what version of your spouse will show up. You’re hesitant to speak, afraid to rest, unsure if you’re safe. That kind of marriage doesn’t reflect God’s design. “Perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18), but mistrust invites it in.

Healthy boundaries—around communication, finances, friendships, emotional availability, and even technology—require a foundation of trust to be honored and respected. When both spouses are committed to protecting each other and upholding agreed-upon limits, the fortress becomes a sanctuary, not a stronghold.

When Trust is Broken: Betrayal and the Long Road Back

Let’s talk about the hard truth—not all marriages start or stay in trust. Sometimes, betrayal happens. Whether it’s infidelity, emotional withdrawal, lies, or addiction, betrayal fractures the foundation of trust and leaves both spouses hurting.

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” That includes you. If you’ve experienced betrayal, know that God sees your pain and longs to restore your heart—and your marriage.

Healing after betrayal is a long road, but it is possible. It starts with confession, not just getting caught. The spouse who broke the trust must own what they’ve done, express remorse, and take intentional steps toward restoration. The other spouse must be willing to walk through the pain, with God’s help, toward forgiveness—not forgetfulness, but forgiveness grounded in love and wisdom.

Counseling, spiritual mentorship, accountability, and prayer are vital. Rebuilding trust is not a solo mission—it’s a sacred partnership, requiring humility, truth, and love.

Jesus said in Matthew 19:26, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Even the broken places can be made beautiful again when God is allowed to lead the healing process.

Trust is Love in Action

Trust is love that shows up daily. It says, “I choose you,” even when feelings fade or life gets hard. It’s not built in grand gestures but in the small, faithful acts that say, “You are safe with me.”

Reflect on your marriage this week. Ask God to show any areas where trust needs to be rebuilt. Consider where trust should be strengthened. Pray together. Speak life over one another. And remember that trust is not just a feeling—it’s a decision, a discipline, and a daily devotion.

Next week, we’ll dive into Reconciliation After a Dispute, learning how to return to love after conflict and misunderstanding. Until then, walk in trust, covered in grace, and rooted in the One who never fails.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

The Importance of Respect in Marriage

Welcome back to the FORTRESS series. This is a no-fluff, real-talk journey into building love that lasts. It doesn’t collapse under the weight of unspoken expectations or poorly handled conflict. In our last post, we explored Openness and Honesty, two cornerstone virtues in any healthy marriage. We talked about how vital it is to be emotionally naked with your spouse. This means not being physically exposed alone, but being spiritually and mentally available, honest, and vulnerable.

But here’s the twist no one tells you: just because you’re being honest doesn’t mean you get to be cruel. Truth without love is a weapon. Vulnerability without boundaries is a mess. And that’s why today we’re talking about Respect. Your spouse is not your emotional punching bag. They are not your built-in therapist or the final boss in your unresolved childhood trauma video game.

In my upcoming book The Love Fortress, I dedicate an entire section to this topic. Disrespect is often the silent killer of marriages. It doesn’t scream. It simmers. It hides behind sarcasm, passive aggression, stonewalling, and “I’m just being honest” comments that cut like daggers. And one of the concepts I explore is what I call The Top of the Hill vs. Bottom of the Hill dynamic.

The Hill We Die On—Or Push Someone Off Of

In some marriages, conflict turns into a hierarchy. One spouse stands on the “top of the hill” always right, always above reproach, rarely apologizing. The other lives at the “bottom of the hill,” always in trouble, always making amends, never quite good enough.

This creates a bully-victim loop. The top-dweller believes they’re simply “holding the standard,” while the bottom-dweller learns to walk on emotional eggshells just to keep the peace. That’s not peace—that’s quiet abuse.

But here’s the reality: We all mess up. Romans 3:23 reminds us that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” In marriage, that means nobody is the moral high priest. We’re both pilgrims on the same road, prone to tripping over our pride.

Why Respect Matters More Than You Think

I remember early in our marriage, after one of our now-infamous “spirited fellowships(that almost sent us in different directions,” Jaymie said something that truly stopped me in my tracks. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “As a man, I value respect even more than sex.”

Whew. That shook me.

Because up to that point, I thought I understood how to love him, but what I was giving didn’t always feel like respect to him. And nothing, he told me, kills the mood or a man’s confidence like feeling disrespected in his own home.

It was at that moment I realized that respect isn’t just a bonus in marriage; it’s oxygen. It feeds trust, honors dignity, and gives both people a safe place to thrive.

Respect is more than politeness. It’s the outward expression of your inward understanding of your spouse’s God-given dignity. Genesis 1:27 tells us that both male and female were made in the image of God. That means your spouse is not just your husband or wife—they are God’s image-bearer.

When we respect our spouse, we reflect God’s heart. When we disrespect them—especially under the guise of honesty—we fracture trust and diminish dignity.

Respect is how we communicate:

“You matter, even when I’m mad.”

“Your perspective is valid, even if I don’t agree.”

“Your soul is sacred, and I will not desecrate it with my words.”

What Respect Looks Like in Action: Practical Strategies

If you’re wondering how to bring more respect into your relationship, here are five biblical, practical strategies to get you moving:

1. Guard Your Tone, Not Just Your Words

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1

It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. Your spouse hears your tone long before they process your point. If your voice is sharp, condescending, or dismissive, your message is lost in the noise of disrespect.

2. Apologize First and Often

“Confess your faults one to another.” — James 5:16

Don’t wait for your spouse to initiate peace. Go first. This one is particularly difficult for me especially when I feel that I was the one wronged. But respect says, “I value the relationship more than my pride.” So even if you were only 20% wrong, own your 20% fully. It shifts the atmosphere.

3. Listen to Understand, Not to Win

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” — James 1:19

Active listening is an act of honor. When you listen to your spouse, not just their words, but their heart, you validate their experience. It’s hard to feel disrespected when you’re truly being heard.

4. Don’t Weaponize Weakness

“Love keeps no record of wrongs.” — 1 Corinthians 13:5

What your spouse told you in confidence during their vulnerable moments is not ammunition for your next argument. Respect protects. It does not exploit. It covers, not uncovers.

5. Speak Life, Not Labels

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” — Proverbs 18:21

Saying things like, “You’re just lazy,” or “You always mess things up,” is not honesty, it’s humiliation. Respect means calling out potential, not crushing identity. Critique behavior, not character.

Respect: The Fertile Ground for Intimacy

Here’s the truth: love may start a marriage, but respect is what sustains it. Without it, intimacy withers. Trust erodes. Even small conversations turn into battlefields. But where there is mutual respect, you’ll find emotional safety, healing, and a desire to grow closer.

Mutual respect re-humanizes the relationship. It affirms what Philippians 2:3 urges us to do: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.”

Respect says, “I don’t need to be better than you. I just want to build with you.”

If you’ve always found yourself on the top of the hill, it is time to come down. Meet your spouse on level ground. If you’ve been living at the bottom, silencing your voice, and apologizing for existing, it’s time to rise up. Speak truth and demand mutual dignity.

In The Love Fortress, we delve deeply into these dynamics. We uncover not only the wounds that cause them, but also the healing practices that restore them. Stay with me on this journey. Because like Rome, a great marriage isn’t built in a day, but with the right foundation—Fasting and Prayer, Openness and Honesty, and above all, Respect, your marriage can withstand any storm.

I will see you next week same time, same place as we discuss Trust as the fourth pillar of the Love Fortress.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

Say It, Don’t Suppress It: Why Vulnerability Matters

By Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Last week, we laid the first brick in building a marriage that lasts: fasting and prayer, because before you can truly connect with your spouse, you have to first align your heart with God. But prayer isn’t just about divine downloads and spiritual power-ups. It’s also preparation for the hard stuff, like being completely seen and still choosing to stay. Because let’s be honest: marriage is God’s favorite classroom for character development, and vulnerability is the homework most of us try to avoid.

Vulnerability is awkward, exposing, and sometimes downright uncomfortable. You can pray heaven down in the morning, and by evening be side-eyeing each other over how the dishwasher was loaded—or worse, unraveling over an unresolved issue masked by a tight-lipped “I’m fine.” The truth is, it’s not the big blowups that usually break us—it’s the buildup of things left unsaid. This week, we’re talking about the silent assassins of intimacy: fear, resentment, and emotional pretending. Because if fasting is the spiritual reset, then openness and honesty are the relational oxygen. Let’s exhale the secrets and breathe in the kind of truth that heals

Why Openness and Honesty Matter

The Bible pulls no punches when it comes to the power of honesty. Proverbs 24:26 says, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Translation? Truth is intimate. Vulnerability is sexy. Honesty is holy.

When you’re honest with your spouse about your joys, fears, and frustrations, you’re building connection. Even sharing that weird way you like your tea helps. But when you sweep your truth under the rug, you’re not just keeping secrets, you’re creating space. And guess who loves empty space in marriages? Yep. You guessed it. The enemy. He thrives in silence, in withheld words, in emotional distance. Suddenly, what started as “I didn’t want to hurt their feelings” shifts. It becomes “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

The Residual Impact of Silence

Failing to be open doesn’t just cause a communication gap, it creates emotional corrosion. That one time you said “I’m okay” when you weren’t? It piles up. That hobby you dropped because your spouse didn’t seem interested? It festers. That fear you’ve been carrying but never shared? It hardens your heart over time.

Here’s what happens: unspoken hurts become resentment, resentment becomes bitterness, and bitterness, if left unchecked, can morph into contempt. And where there’s contempt, love doesn’t stand a chance.

Ephesians 4:26 reminds us, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”That foothold often looks like silence. And that silence turns into distance.

Creating a Safe Space to Share

Now, let’s not act like opening up is easy. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s scary. Vulnerability is basically emotional skinny-dipping: no cover, no filters. But it’s also where real connection begins.

Are you wondering how to foster an environment where vulnerability feels less risky? Here’s my attempt to offer some thoughtful, practical strategies. These aren’t quick fixes. They are intentional habits. Over time, they can help you and your spouse create a truly safe space. In this space, honesty, even when uncomfortable, is met with grace and understanding.:

Practice active listening: One popular saying I’ve often heard repeated is that we should “listen to hear, not to respond.” Simple words, but if we’re honest, this kind of listening takes intention, maturity, and a whole lot of humility. It means putting your ego on pause and giving your spouse the gift of your undivided presence, not just your ears, but your heart.

This isn’t the time for eye-rolling or sighing. Don’t check your phone or mentally rehearse your next rebuttal like you’re preparing for a courtroom showdown. Stay present in the moment. Resist the urge to fix or defend. Instead, choose to truly understand what your spouse is saying—even if it stings a little.

Active listening says, “You matter. Your feelings are valid. I care more about our connection than about being right.” That kind of listening creates emotional safety, and where there’s safety, there’s space for honesty to grow.

  • Affirm before you advise: Sometimes your spouse doesn’t need you to solve their problem. They need you to see them in it. It’s tempting to jump into “fix-it” mode. This is especially true if you’re wired that way. However, pausing to affirm first can be more powerful than any advice. Saying something like, “That must have been hard.” You could also say, “I can see why you’d feel that way.” These words create an emotional bridge. It tells your spouse, “I’m with you. I hear you. I care.” Once they feel emotionally safe, they’ll be far more open to any perspective or advice you have. Empathy first, solutions later.
  • Ask intentional questions: “How was your day?” is polite. But intentional questions invite connection. They communicate genuine interest and a desire to go deeper. Questions like, “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “What’s something you wish I noticed more?” tell your spouse that you’re not just checking a box; you’re leaning in. These kinds of questions encourage vulnerability and open the door to conversations that matter. They help you see what’s beneath the surface, which is where real intimacy lives.
  • Don’t weaponize their vulnerability:Nothing shuts down honesty faster than using someone’s confession against them. If your spouse opens up about a fear, insecurity, or mistake, they’re handing you a fragile piece of themselves. If you later throw it back during a disagreement, whether in sarcasm, anger, or to win a point, you’ve not just hurt them, you’ve taught them that opening up isn’t safe. That emotional vault? Slammed shut. And reopening it may take time, trust rebuilding, and a lot of repentance. Hear me when I say this: Vulnerability should be honored, not exploited.
  • Be honest about the little things too: It’s easy to think honesty is only for the big conversations: finances, family planning, major life decisions. But the little truths matter just as much. Like the petty things your spouse does that you consider annoying. The fact that you need 15 minutes of silence when you get home. Or that you only pretended to like that series to be polite. These minor truths build major trust. Why? Because they create a rhythm of authenticity. The more consistently honest you are, even in the small things, the easier it becomes to be honest about the big stuff when it really counts.

Truth Builds Trust

The foundation of any great marriage isn’t perfection. It’s connection. And connection is impossible without communication. The truth spoken in love builds a bond that no storm can shake.

So if you’ve been biting your tongue more than you’ve been sharing your truth, it’s time to talk. Ask the tough questions. Speak the honest answers. Be gentle. Be brave.

Because in a marriage, keeping secrets doesn’t protect your partner, it separates you from them.

And if we’re going to build marriages that last, we’ve got to build them on truth. Jesus said in John 8:32, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” And I believe that applies to marriages too.

Truth sets you free to love deeper, laugh harder, and grow stronger together.

Now, go ask your spouse what they’ve been afraid to tell you. And when they open up, don’t flinch. Lean in. Love them through it.

Because that, my friend, is where real intimacy begins.

I can’t wait to catch you here again the same time next week. We will talk about the importance of respect in marriage.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven. She channels her passion by inspiring everyone she encounters. She encourages them to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

Starve the Distractions and Feed the Flame

By Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Last week, in our post Building Marriages that Last, we introduced the idea of constructing a strong, fortified marriage, one that can weather storms, resist subtle attacks, and stand tall through every season. We talked about intentionality, spiritual alignment, and making God the architect of your relationship. This week, we’re diving into the very first brick that lays the foundation for a love that doesn’t just survive, but thrives. That brick? Fasting and prayer.

Let’s face it, modern marriages are under pressure. Life moves fast. Kids need things. Work demands our energy. Phones steal our attention. And before you know it, you’re in the same house, same bed, but miles apart.

Communication starts to break down. Passion starts to flicker. Resentment quietly builds. You begin to think, “Maybe we’re just in a rough patch,” but that rough patch turns into a dry season.

Here’s the spiritual truth: many of the challenges couples face are spiritual in nature; but we’re trying to fight them with natural tools. And that’s where fasting and prayer come in.

Jesus Made It Clear: Some Things Won’t Move Without It

In Mark 9:29, after the disciples tried and failed to deal with a spiritual issue, Jesus said something sobering: “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.” Read that again: nothing but.

There are certain strongholds in your marriage, be it emotional disconnection, recurring conflict, unforgiveness, neglect, or even just complacency, that will not budge without spiritual power. Fasting isn’t a hunger strike to get God’s attention. It’s a spiritual accelerator that clears away distractions so you can focus your heart, your prayers, and your energy on inviting God to do what only He can.

Fasting Isn’t Just About Food (Thank God)

Look, if you know me, then you know I love me some good Jamaican food. I mean, don’t come between me and a lovely bowl of chicken soup unless you’re ready for a situation. (Shhh… don’t tell anyone, but I’ve had full worship sessions thanking God for good food)

But seriously, fasting these days doesn’t have to mean giving up your favorite meal—though if God calls you to surrender the mac and cheese, I won’t argue. The heart of fasting is about giving up anything that’s been feasting on your time or focus. Whether it’s food, social media, your favorite show, or even your need to be right (oof)—it’s about realigning your heart toward God and saying, “My marriage matters more than my distractions.”

Because sometimes, what really needs starving… isn’t your stomach—it’s your schedule.

Here are some creative ways couples and individuals are fasting today:

  • Social Media Fast: Unplug from the scroll and use that time to journal, reflect, or pray for your spouse.
  • TV/Streaming Fast: Give up your go-to show for a week and replace it with intentional time together or in devotion.
  • Phone-Free Evenings: No screens after 7 p.m. means more time to talk, touch, or pray together.
  • Complaining Fast: Challenge yourself to go seven days without criticizing or complaining about your spouse. (It’s harder than you think… but so worth it.)
  • Coffee or Sugar Fast: If you’re a daily indulger, giving that up becomes a physical reminder to intercede for your marriage every time you crave it.

Remember, fasting is not about perfection—it’s about priority. You don’t need to fast flawlessly to see results. This isn’t a spiritual performance or a “holier than thou” competition. You’re not earning God’s love; you’re creating space for His presence.

The goal isn’t to check all the religious boxes or to make it through a 24-hour fast without a single hunger pang or mental slip-up. The goal is to say, “God, I’m putting You—and my marriage—at the top of my list.” It’s about intentionally pushing aside the noise, the habits, and the distractions to focus on what truly matters.

Even if you stumble, even if you start with small steps, God honors the effort. He sees the heart. And when you prioritize His presence over your preferences, He shows up in powerful ways. So don’t worry about getting it perfect. Just make it intentional.

The Love Ripple Effect

Here’s something you might not expect: when you fast and pray for your spouse, they feel it. Even if they don’t know exactly what you’re doing, the spiritual shift begins to affect the atmosphere in your home.

Imagine how it feels for your spouse to find out you’re skipping your favorite show, coffee, or even meals just to pray for them. That kind of love: sacrificial, spiritual, intentional, can spark a new level of intimacy and admiration. It tells them, “You matter to me. Our marriage matters to God. And I’m fighting for us.”

That’s how emotional walls begin to fall. That’s how broken communication starts to heal. That’s how great marriages stay great, and struggling ones begin to turn the corner.

Your Challenge This Week

Let’s build that first brick. Try this:

  1. Pick one day this week to fast.
  2. Choose one thing to give up that will help you focus.
  3. Use that time to pray specifically for your spouse and your marriage.
  4. Journal what you sense God is saying to you about your role in strengthening your love fortress.

Now that we’ve laid the foundation, we’re going to move into another powerful building block: Openness and Honesty. No fortress can stand without trust—and trust can’t grow where truth is absent. We’ll explore how to create safe spaces in your marriage where both partners can be real, vulnerable, and fully known.

Until then—skip the snack, seek the Savior, and keep building.

Because your love fortress is worth fighting for.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.