Month: July 2025

Let’s Talk About Sex

By: Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Well, here we are. Brick by brick, pillar by pillar, we’ve been building a fortress. It is strong enough to weather the storms of marriage. We’ve fasted and prayed. We’ve been honest and earned respect. We rebuilt trust and learned how to reconcile like pros. We added a little spice with enticement and embraced the power of godly submission. Now, it’s time to talk about the final, and let’s be honest, fan-favorite pillar of The Love Fortress: Sexual Satisfaction.

Yes, church folks, we’re going there. And no, the sanctuary won’t collapse.

The Taboo That Shouldn’t Be

Let’s be honest. Somewhere along the pews, pulpits, and prayer meetings, sex got either shamed into silence or watered down into something transactional: “duty sex,” “make-up sex,” or “marital obligation.” Yikes. The church, while full of good intentions, has often mishandled the conversation around sex. Either it’s avoided altogether like a scandalous secret or reduced to something carnal and sinful, unless you’re trying to make a baby, and even then, keep it quiet.

But let’s go back to the Garden for a minute. Before the fall, before shame, before fig leaves: there was nakedness and no shame. God didn’t awkwardly look away when Adam saw Eve and said, “Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!” That brother was into her. And God didn’t pull him aside like, “Hey, bro… tone it down.” He smiled and said, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Translation: “Enjoy yourselves!”

Sex wasn’t man’s invention. It was God’s gift. And like all His gifts: it was meant to bless, not burden.

Mutual Pleasure Is the Goal, Not a Bonus

Now let’s get real: sex should be mutually satisfying. It’s not a performance. It’s not one-sided. It’s not a race. One person should not cross the finish line. The other spouse should not be left staring at the ceiling wondering what just happened.

Too many couples have settled for silent frustration. Women, in particular, have been conditioned to think their climax is optional or “extra.” Sis, no. And bro, let’s not leave her behind on the express train to Pleasure Town. Sex was never designed to be selfish.

Talk about it. Before, during, and yes, even after. That post-game breakdown is just as holy as the act itself. What did you like? What made you feel close? What didn’t work? It’s not awkward: it’s intimacy in action.

Why Sexual Satisfaction Matters

Let’s stop acting like this is just physical. Sex is deeply emotional, spiritual, and psychological. It can heal wounds, build trust, break walls, and create a safe space where both spouses feel seen, wanted, and delighted in.

Here’s what a healthy sex life in marriage brings:

  • Deeper connection: It’s like a soul handshake, but way more exciting.
  • Stress relief: Yep, it’s better than a bubble bath or binge-watching your favorite series.
  • Confidence boost: Knowing you’re desired does wonders for your self-esteem.
  • Improved communication: Couples who talk about sex tend to talk about everything else better too.

And let’s not forget: it’s fun. Holy fun. Righteous, covenant-approved fun. If your bedroom feels more like a board meeting, it might be time to make a change. Rediscover the joy in it.

A Word for the Wounded

Some of us didn’t grow up hearing this. Some have been hurt, shamed, or misinformed about sex. If this topic stirs up guilt or grief, I see you. There’s grace. There’s healing. And there’s room for laughter and learning, even now. Don’t let your past script your present. This is a new chapter in your marriage, and yes: God wants it to be satisfying.

Finishing Strong (Pun Fully Intended)

Sex isn’t the cherry on top of your Love Fortress. It’s a foundational brick that locks in everything else. When done God’s way: with love, respect, communication, and laughter, it becomes a beautiful act of worship, bonding, and joy.

So here’s to finishing strong. Literally and figuratively. 😉

As we close out this Fortress Builder series, let me say this: protect what matters. Guard your marriage with all the pillars we’ve covered. Invest in each other. And don’t be afraid to enjoy one of God’s greatest gifts—with freedom, with passion, and with purpose.

And speaking of building strong marriages: mark your calendars! The Love Fortress Book will be available September 1, 2025, on all platforms where books are sold, including Audible. This isn’t just a book. It’s a marriage manual. It’s a love revival. It reminds you that with God, intentionality, and yes, even great sex, your marriage can be fortified like never before.

Tell a friend, plan to grab a copy, and get ready to transform your relationship from the inside out. The fortress is waiting, let’s build it together.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest

The S-Word That Gets a Bad Rap

By: Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Last week, we got a little spicy as we talked about Enticement. Yes, it’s the fun part of marriage. It involves secret winks, playful texts, and surprise kisses. You might even make a little extra effort in the perfume department. If you missed that post, go back and catch up. We spilled some serious tea on keeping the spark alive in Christian marriages!

This week, though… we’re shifting gears. We’re leaning into a word that makes some folks want to duck and run for cover: Submission.

Yep. That S-word. Next week we will talk about the next one (wink).

Let’s take a moment to breathe. Before your inner independent woman starts rolling her eyes or your husband starts smiling a little too hard, let’s get into what biblical submission really means. Because, friend, it’s not what the world has made it out to be.

“Submission” is Not a Dirty Word

Let’s be honest: submission often gets a bad reputation. We’ve been given a version that looks more like hierarchy than harmony. For the modern spouse, the idea of “submitting” can feel like an attack on autonomy. This is especially true for those of us who’ve been holding things down at home. We’ve also maintained responsibilities at work, in ministry, and in our communities. It can also feel like a call to silence your voice. But biblical submission isn’t about erasing identity — it’s about embracing purpose.

Let’s rewind to the very beginning: Genesis 2:18. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

That word helper in Hebrew is Ezer Kenegdo, and whew — it’s got some power behind it.

Ezer Kenegdo: The Helper with a Sword

The phrase Ezer Kenegdo doesn’t mean “maid” or “assistant” or “quiet little shadow.” It means a powerful aid — someone who comes alongside to protect, defend, and strengthen. In fact, the word Ezer is used to describe God Himself multiple times in the Old Testament — like in Psalm 33:20, where God is called our “help and our shield.”

Let that sink in.

The same word used to describe the role of the wife is the same one used for God when He shows up to rescue and defend His people.

That’s not weakness. That’s divine reinforcement.

So no, ladies — you were not created to be a footnote in your husband’s story. You were made to be the co-author. Your role is not about blind obedience or living in silence. It’s about partnership, covering, and helping your spouse walk boldly in their God-given purpose. And husbands, this submission conversation? It’s not one-sided.

Mutual Submission: It’s a Two-Way Street

Let’s flip over to Ephesians 5, where Paul gives us the submission speech. You know the one: “Wives, submit to your husbands…” (Cue the sighs and side-eyes.)

But hold on.

Just one verse before that, in Ephesians 5:21, Paul says:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

There it is — mutual submission. Before Paul ever addresses the wives, he speaks to both spouses and establishes the foundation: We are all called to submit to one another in Christ.

And then Paul goes even deeper — he tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25)

Now, if we’re really being honest, that’s the heavier lift. Christ’s love wasn’t passive. It was sacrificial. He served, washed feet, and laid down His life. That’s the model husbands are called to follow. Submission is not domination; it’s devotion.

When both spouses are submitted to God and to each other, it doesn’t feel like one person is dragging the other. Instead, it feels like two people dancing in rhythm. Each steps in time with grace and humility.

A Fortress Built on Unity

Submission, when lived out biblically, is not a cage — it’s a covering. It creates an atmosphere where both spouses feel safe, seen, and supported. It’s where we say, “I’ve got your back,” not “I’m above you.” And in a world that often pits couples against each other in power struggles, submission invites us to build a fortress where God is the cornerstone, and we’re each other’s fiercest allies.

Coming Up Next: Let’s Talk About Sex (Yes, Really!)

Now that we’ve cleared the air on submission, get ready — next week, we’re diving into the next brick in our Love Fortress: Sexual Satisfaction.

We’ll talk about why intimacy is more than just physical, how to reconnect when things feel distant, and why God actually smiles on married sex (yes, the Song of Solomon is in your Bible for a reason!).

So stay tuned, invite a friend to the Fortress Builder Series, and remember: when God is the architect of your marriage, every brick — even the tricky ones — leads to something beautiful.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

Yes, You Can Still Flirt (and Should) After Marriage

By Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Welcome back to The Love Fortress blog series. This series is a journey through the eight foundational pillars. These pillars help couples cultivate emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy in Christian marriage. Last week, we talked about Reconciliation after a Dispute. We discussed how to disarm anger and lay down pride. We also considered how to pursue peace with grace and humility. It was a reminder that even after we hurt one another, we can choose love, repair, and restoration. But once peace is restored, what then? How do we go beyond survival mode and rekindle a spark that’s been dulled by time or tension?

That brings us to this week’s focus: The letter E– Enticing Your Spouse.

Now, don’t let the word “enticing” throw you off. This is not about manipulation or seduction. It’s about intentional pursuit. It’s about bringing delight, anticipation, and even a little playfulness into your marriage. It’s the part of love that flirts, giggles, compliments, affirms, and says with confidence, “I still want you.”

Many Christian couples quietly let go of one vital ingredient in their relationship: pursuit. This happens somewhere between meal prepping, ministry meetings, raising children, and navigating the demands of daily life. We get so busy building a life together. We forget to keep building the romance that brought us together in the first place.

That night is unforgettable. The air was still abuzz with joy from the exchange of our lifelong commitment to each other. The scent of fresh roses lingered in our bridal suite. After all the hugs and excitement, we began unwrapping the mountain of gifts from friends and loved ones. One of the most beautiful cards I received came from a couple I deeply admired. They had been married for over 30 years, and I had always seen them as the picture of lasting love. The note inside was simple, but it carried weight. It said, “Never, ever take each other for granted. Keep the spark going. Every. Single. Day.”

I remember reading that card, and feeling both challenged and inspired. This couple had endured the highs and lows of life together. They still believed in keeping the spark alive. Surely, it wasn’t just about good feelings. It was about consistent intention.

That message has followed me through every season of marriage.

That card felt like a charge. Over time, I’ve learned how sacred and necessary that spark is. This is especially true in Christian marriages. Intimacy is not just a benefit of the covenant. It is a reflection of God’s delight in closeness.

So how do we keep the spark alive, especially in a world that constantly pulls at our attention and energy?

It starts with being intentional. Here are some ways to pursue your spouse and make them feel desired, appreciated, and seen:

Say It Loud (and Soft, and Often)

Affirm your spouse with your words. Not just “I love you,” but “I admire you.” “I’m proud of you.” “I feel safe with you.” Tell them what you love about the way they think, lead, love, or laugh. Text them in the middle of the day just to say, “You’re on my mind, and I’m grateful for you.” Sometimes a midday text hits harder than roses.

Flirt Without a Script

You don’t need a grand gesture to turn up the charm. Try these:

  • Leave a note in their Bible or lunch bag
  • Give them that look across the room
  • Touch their back as you pass by
  • Ask them on a spontaneous lunch date
  • Play a song that reminds you of them
  • Whisper something kind while they’re doing something ordinary

These aren’t small gestures. They’re seeds. And they grow connection.

Pursue Their Heart, Not Just Their Body

Enticement isn’t always physical. In fact, some of the most magnetic moments are emotional and spiritual. Ask deep questions. Listen well. Remember what matters to them. Cheer for their dreams. Speak life over their insecurities. When someone knows you’re still interested in who they’re becoming, they feel cherished.

Affirming or “gassing up” your spouse has a profound psychological impact that goes far beyond boosting their ego. It reinforces their sense of self-worth, security, and emotional connection within the relationship. When a spouse consistently hears genuine praise, admiration, and encouragement, it activates the brain’s reward center. This releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine. It cultivates a positive association with both the words and the person saying them. Over time, this creates a mental framework where they feel seen, valued, and safe to be their authentic self. It also helps to counteract internalized doubts. This is crucial in a world that constantly measures worth by performance and appearance. Within a marriage, this intentional affirmation fosters emotional intimacy. It increases resilience during conflict. It lays a strong foundation of trust. These affirmations remind your partner that they are cherished not just for what they do, but for who they are.

Serve and Surprise

Fold the laundry. Fill their gas tank. Tackle the chore they dread. These acts of service might seem mundane, but they send a loud and clear message: “I see you. I love you. I’ve got you.” Sometimes the sexiest thing you can do is unload the dishwasher without being asked.

Celebrate Who They Are

Honor your spouse in public. Brag on them. Show them off. Thank God for them out loud during prayer. Make it a habit to say, “I’m so glad I married you.” Say it even when they’re wearing mismatched socks. Also, say it when they’re asking where the ketchup is for the fifth time.

Because here’s the truth—enticement is not a phase; it’s a practice. When it is rooted in love, delight, and commitment, it transforms. It becomes one of the greatest gifts you can give each other.

In my upcoming book The Love Fortress: Eight Pillars to Protect, Strengthen,  and Reignite Your Marriage, I’ll share a cheat sheet. I’ll offer this to couples as a starting point. This will help couples who want to reignite the spark. But they aren’t sure where to begin. Think of it as a starter kit. It contains simple ideas that work in the real rhythm of marriage. Marriage can often be messy and often beautiful.

Next week, we’ll be tackling a topic that’s often misunderstood but deeply transformative: Godly Submission.We’ll talk about what submission is and what it definitely is not, and how mutual surrender in love can become one of the most powerful pillars in your marriage.

But until then, go flirt with your forever love. Laugh. Text. Compliment. Pursue.

Keep the spark alive. You’ll be amazed at how much warmth and joy it brings to your home—and your heart.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

Let’s Make Up: Turning Conflict Into Connection

Because peace is more than just the absence of noise.

Last week in our Love Fortress blog series, we tackled the topic of trust. It is the sacred glue that keeps our relationships strong, even in the face of storms. We talked about how trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and sometimes a lifetime to repair. But what happens when that trust is rattled? What happens when a heated argument leads to icy silence? You find yourself lying on opposite ends of the bed. Each of you is wrapped in your own pride and pain.

Let’s talk about reconciliation after a dispute; because let’s be honest, even the most “in love” couples have days when love feels more like a battlefield than a ballroom dance.

When Disputes Happen

Let’s paint the picture: You’ve just had a big argument. Words flew like daggers. One of you stormed out; or worse, stayed in but gave the silent treatment like it was an Olympic decathlon. Maybe you’re now withholding affection or intimacy, hoping your spouse will feel the sting of your frustration. We get it. When you’ve been wronged, there’s something satisfying, at least in the moment, about pulling back. It feels like justice.

But here’s the raw truth: weaponizing silence or sex creates more distance, not more clarity. The louder one spouse gets, the more right they feel; the quieter the other becomes, the more resentful they grow. And before you know it, the issue becomes less about what was said and more about how both of you reacted.

I remember early in my marriage with Jaymie, I had a bad habit of threatening divorce during heated arguments. I didn’t realize at the time how damaging those words were. In my mind, I was expressing just how hurt I felt; but to him, it sent the message that our marriage wasn’t meaningful or secure. One day, Jaymie looked at me and said, “It’s hard for me to have confidence and trust in our relationship when it feels like you’re ready to walk away at any moment.” That stopped me in my tracks. His vulnerability shook something inside of me. I realized that reconciliation doesn’t stand a chance when threats are sitting at the table.

The Pain of Being Wronged

Being wronged by your spouse stings in a way few things do. This is the person who vowed to love you. They promised to protect your heart. They said they would cover you emotionally. Now they feel like the very source of your ache. That pain can feel lonely—maddening even. In that space, it’s easy to rehearse your side of the argument. You build your case. You seek validation from friends or family. But here’s what often gets overlooked: sometimes, we’re reacting to the story we’ve told ourselves about what happened. It’s not necessarily the full truth. And when those stories aren’t filtered through the lens of grace, context, or clarity, they can distort reality. Yet because they feel true, we act on them as if they are.

Here’s a gentle warning: sharing every marital fight with your circle may win you sympathy. However, it can cost you trust. Your spouse can forgive you, but your mama will not. Your best friend will never look at them the same again. And reconciliation becomes even harder when too many spectators have a front-row seat to your private battles.

Don’t Let the Sun Go Down…

Ephesians 4:26 offers timeless wisdom: “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” You don’t have to resolve every issue before bedtime. However, don’t go to sleep marinating in bitterness. Angry hearts harden overnight.

Here are some intuitive and light-hearted ways to pursue peace instead of prolonging pain:

  1. Break the Ice, Literally
    Hand your spouse a popsicle with a sticky note that says, “Let’s cool off and talk when you’re ready.” Humor heals.
  2. Initiate a Grace Truce
    Say, “I’m not ready to hash it all out, but I love you and want to get back to us.” It shows humility and gives space for resolution without demanding it immediately.
  3. Touch Before Talk
    A hand on the back, a gentle hug, or just sitting close can often soften a heart faster than an argument ever could.
  4. Pray Instead of Plot
    Instead of plotting your comeback, pray for your spouse and your own heart. Ask God to give you grace and a listening ear.
  5. Avoid the Blame Game
    Use “I feel” instead of “you always.” There’s no peace in pointing fingers; only more bruises.
  6. Choose Connection Over Control
    Don’t withhold sexual intimacy as a form of punishment. Sex isn’t a bargaining chip; it’s a gift, a healing space, and sometimes the doorway back to emotional unity.
  7. Write it Out
    If speaking feels too charged, write a heartfelt note. Sometimes the written word opens doors the spoken word can’t.

Grace and Humility: The Way Forward

Peace doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened; it means choosing grace when you could choose retaliation. It means humbling yourself, even if you weren’t “the one who started it.” Reconciliation occurs when flawed humans come together. They decide that we is more important than me.

So, take a breath. Be first to apologize. Or at least be first to reach out. Say the hard thing, but say it with love.

As you begin to patch the cracks with grace, remember this—you’re not just ending a fight. You’re building a fortress.

Next week, we’ll heat things up (in the best way). We will explore “Enticing Your Spouse.” Rebuilding intimacy after conflict is more than possible. It’s beautiful.

Until then, love hard, forgive quickly, and never stop fighting to keep your Love Fortress intact.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.