Month: August 2025

Dear Husbands, Your Wife’s Libido Isn’t Low, She’s Just Tired

By: Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Gentlemen, let’s get straight to it. Have you been wondering why your wife doesn’t have the same sparkle in her eyes at bedtime? Let me help you understand why. It’s not that she’s lost interest in romance. It’s that she’s running on fumes. And no, before you say it, mowing the lawn last weekend doesn’t count as “helping out around the house.” That’s called yard work. It’s like bragging that you helped feed the kids by grilling steaks, once in July.

Welcome to the Burnout Olympics

Your wife isn’t just your wife. She’s the CEO of Household Inc., the unpaid Uber driver for the children, the chef, the homework tutor, and the conflict mediator. She’s also the grocery shopper. She performs laundry magic. She is the emotional support hotline. She’s the behind-the-scenes project manager for birthdays, doctor’s appointments, and Christmas gifts.

Now, consider her full-time job. Add her calling or ministry at church. Also, add her personal purpose in life. She’s still trying to live this out in the middle of all this. You do not have a woman with a low libido. You have a woman who’s been operating at DEFCON 1 for years.

Burnout is real.
And tired brains don’t feel sexy. Exhausted bodies don’t crave marathon make-out sessions. The mental load of running a family is immense. Even when she’s lying down, her brain is busy folding laundry in her head.

And here’s the kicker, this “tired all the time” thing isn’t just in her head. Research shows burnout is closely tied to depression, with one large study finding a strong link between the two. Women, in particular, are twice as likely to experience anxiety and depression from burnout. This is largely because they’re running a double shift. They clock in at work and then clock in again at home. Between 2007 and 2019, burnout rates for women actually doubled. Many of those cases resulted in full-blown emotional and mental exhaustion. Translation? If she seems distant or disinterested, it’s not a lack of desire. She’s carrying a load heavy enough to crush her energy and her joy.

“Helping” Is Not the Goal — Partnership Is

Men, hear me: it is no longer enough to say you “help” with the housework. That’s like saying you “help” with parenting. You’re not a volunteer. You’re a co-owner.

Marriage is a team sport. It is not a talent show where you pop in for one grand gesture. You cannot expect a standing ovation. If you want her energy in the bedroom, start by lightening her load outside of it.

And I’m not talking about once-in-a-blue-moon “Look, babe, I vacuumed!” moments. I mean consistent, dependable, you don’t have to ask me kind of effort.

  • Pick up a broom without needing instructions.
  • Fold the laundry and — radical thought — put it away.
  • Handle dinner more than just “ordering pizza.”
  • Initiate kid bedtime so she can have 20 quiet minutes to just be a human.

Every chore you take off her plate is one less stressor between you and that spark you miss.

Romantic exchange between couple while doing dishes

The Bedroom Starts in the Kitchen

This is not just about housework; it’s about foreplay. When she sees you managing household life like a true partner, her body and mind can finally start to relax. And relaxed women… well, let’s just say they tend to have more capacity for romance.

Here’s the secret: passion isn’t killed by marriage — it’s suffocated by exhaustion. If you want your wife to have more energy for intimacy, give her less to carry everywhere else.

So, fellas, the next time you’re hoping for fireworks at night, start earlier in the day. And by “start,” I mean grab that broom like your love life depends on it. Because honestly… it does.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

Real Talk…Divorce Isn’t for Everyone

By: Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

The Fortress Builder Series has come to an end. Many of you have reached out to ask what we will discuss next. I’ve decided to touch on a hot topic crucial for married couples. Let’s have a real heart-to-heart. Not a heavy, gloom-and-doom chat. It’s the kind of conversation that feels like sitting on a front porch swing. You’re sipping something warm while talking about life, love, and all the messy in-betweens. We’re talking about divorce today—and let’s just say, it’s not for the faint of heart.

And truthfully? It’s not for everyone.

The Grass Isn’t Always Greener on the Other Side

There’s a popular myth that divorce is an instant reset button. People believe that once the papers are signed, peace will magically descend. They think everyone will move on gracefully into their happily ever after. But let’s tell the truth in love. Divorce may offer an escape from some pain. However, it brings its own brand of heartbreak too. The way I always describe it is this. It’s like choosing a more toxic version of marriage.

Especially when children are involved.

Kids are resilient, yes, but they’re also intuitive. They can sense tension before words are ever spoken. When divorce happens, they often feel like referees in a match they never signed up for. They are torn between loyalty to two people they love deeply. “Whose side am I supposed to be on?” becomes the silent question they carry from house to house, weekend to weekend.

And let’s not forget how former soulmates can suddenly become sworn enemies.

Once the vows are broken, it’s easy for love to turn into loathing. The person you once celebrated anniversaries with may now be reduced to “my ex.” This is often spoken with an eye roll, a sigh, or outright contempt. Respect erodes, empathy disappears, and the children—caught in the crossfire—often witness their parents dehumanizing each other like strangers at war.

Jesus Knew the Weight of It

When Jesus was asked about divorce in Matthew 19, He didn’t shrug it off or condone it casually. He said: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” — Matthew 19:6 (NIV)

That wasn’t about control, it was about compassion. Jesus understood the ripple effects of separation. He wasn’t trying to shame the broken, He was trying to protect something sacred.

Because He knew that breaking a covenant breaks more than a contract. It breaks trust, rhythms, dreams and yes, sometimes even people.

Let’s Talk Real Life

Divorce doesn’t just split the bed, it splits the budget too. Suddenly, two incomes become one. A shared mortgage turns into rent checks and custody calendars. Date nights get replaced by court dates. And the emotional toll? It can leave you exhausted—navigating co-parenting boundaries, starting over, and trying to rebuild a life that doesn’t feel so fragmented.

Then come the blended family dynamics. That can be a beautiful story of redemption. It can also be a complicated maze of step-parenting tensions. There may be unresolved baggage and “you’re not my real mom” moments. And if one spouse still carries feelings for the other? Whew. That’s a whole emotional plot twist no one prepared you for.

And let’s not gloss over the loneliness.

Dating again after divorce can feel like jumping into a pool without knowing how deep the water is—or if there’s even water at all. For some, it’s energizing. For others, it’s terrifying. Especially when your heart still beats in time with old memories and familiar routines.

So Why Isn’t Divorce for Everyone?

Because while some marriages genuinely need a safe, loving exit—most are just stuck.

Stuck in poor communication.
Stuck in unhealed wounds.
Stuck in unmet expectations.

But not necessarily beyond repair.

Jesus didn’t discourage divorce to be harsh—He discouraged it because He knew that rebuilding is often better than starting over. That healing, though painful, can lead to deeper love. That with humility, therapy, grace, and a whole lot of prayer, even the most bruised marriages can bloom again.

Final Thought: Stay if You Can, Leave if You Must but Don’t Quit Without a Fight

Divorce may be common, but it was never meant to be easy. It’s not an exit ramp for every marital fender-bender. Jesus didn’t teach on marriage and divorce because He wanted us trapped—He did it because He wanted us whole.

So, if you’re standing on shaky ground today, don’t rush to sign the divorce papers. Pray. Breathe. Seek wise counsel. Ask the Holy Spirit for help. Pray for eyes to see your spouse not as the enemy. Remember that they are the one you once vowed to love, even when it’s hard.

Divorce isn’t for everyone. And maybe—just maybe—you’ve been called to rebuild the fortress, not walk away from it. The Love Fortress, my upcoming book, is a powerful resource. It is designed to help couples rebuild what was broken, brick by brick. This rebuilding is done with faith, grace, and intention. Make sure that you mark your calendars for September 1, 2025.

Remember this, your story’s not over. Not yet. Hang in there.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.