By: Chauna-Kaye Pottinger
Gentlemen, let’s get straight to it. Have you been wondering why your wife doesn’t have the same sparkle in her eyes at bedtime? Let me help you understand why. It’s not that she’s lost interest in romance. It’s that she’s running on fumes. And no, before you say it, mowing the lawn last weekend doesn’t count as “helping out around the house.” That’s called yard work. It’s like bragging that you helped feed the kids by grilling steaks, once in July.
Welcome to the Burnout Olympics
Your wife isn’t just your wife. She’s the CEO of Household Inc., the unpaid Uber driver for the children, the chef, the homework tutor, and the conflict mediator. She’s also the grocery shopper. She performs laundry magic. She is the emotional support hotline. She’s the behind-the-scenes project manager for birthdays, doctor’s appointments, and Christmas gifts.
Now, consider her full-time job. Add her calling or ministry at church. Also, add her personal purpose in life. She’s still trying to live this out in the middle of all this. You do not have a woman with a low libido. You have a woman who’s been operating at DEFCON 1 for years.
Burnout is real.
And tired brains don’t feel sexy. Exhausted bodies don’t crave marathon make-out sessions. The mental load of running a family is immense. Even when she’s lying down, her brain is busy folding laundry in her head.
And here’s the kicker, this “tired all the time” thing isn’t just in her head. Research shows burnout is closely tied to depression, with one large study finding a strong link between the two. Women, in particular, are twice as likely to experience anxiety and depression from burnout. This is largely because they’re running a double shift. They clock in at work and then clock in again at home. Between 2007 and 2019, burnout rates for women actually doubled. Many of those cases resulted in full-blown emotional and mental exhaustion. Translation? If she seems distant or disinterested, it’s not a lack of desire. She’s carrying a load heavy enough to crush her energy and her joy.
“Helping” Is Not the Goal — Partnership Is
Men, hear me: it is no longer enough to say you “help” with the housework. That’s like saying you “help” with parenting. You’re not a volunteer. You’re a co-owner.
Marriage is a team sport. It is not a talent show where you pop in for one grand gesture. You cannot expect a standing ovation. If you want her energy in the bedroom, start by lightening her load outside of it.
And I’m not talking about once-in-a-blue-moon “Look, babe, I vacuumed!” moments. I mean consistent, dependable, you don’t have to ask me kind of effort.
- Pick up a broom without needing instructions.
- Fold the laundry and — radical thought — put it away.
- Handle dinner more than just “ordering pizza.”
- Initiate kid bedtime so she can have 20 quiet minutes to just be a human.
Every chore you take off her plate is one less stressor between you and that spark you miss.
The Bedroom Starts in the Kitchen
This is not just about housework; it’s about foreplay. When she sees you managing household life like a true partner, her body and mind can finally start to relax. And relaxed women… well, let’s just say they tend to have more capacity for romance.
Here’s the secret: passion isn’t killed by marriage — it’s suffocated by exhaustion. If you want your wife to have more energy for intimacy, give her less to carry everywhere else.
So, fellas, the next time you’re hoping for fireworks at night, start earlier in the day. And by “start,” I mean grab that broom like your love life depends on it. Because honestly… it does.
Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.
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