Every great stronghold throughout history—whether carved into the face of a cliff, built atop a hill, or reinforced with stone—was constructed with one thing in mind: protection. A fortress is not just a structure. It’s a statement. It says, “What we value inside is worth defending.”
In this blog series, we’re going to talk about building that kind of fortress in your marriage.
Now, when you think of a fortress, a few key elements likely come to mind: thick walls, secure gates, a watchtower, a foundation that can withstand storms, and guards keeping watch day and night. A fortress is intentional. It doesn’t build itself. And more importantly—it doesn’t fall overnight.
Here’s the sobering truth: most fortified places don’t fall because the wall wasn’t high enough. They fall because someone on the inside made an agreement with someone on the outside. Betrayal. Neglect. Compromise. That’s how strongholds fall. That’s how marriages weaken.
That’s why the FORTRESS isn’t just a metaphor. It’s a blueprint. It’s a strategy for couples who want to build something that lasts—not just survive—but thrive, even under pressure.
So, what does FORTRESS stand for?
Each letter of the word “FORTRESS” represents a foundational principle that protects, strengthens, and elevates your marriage:
F – Fasting and Prayer: The spiritual backbone of your union. You need God in the center. Not on the sidelines. O – Openness and Honesty: Truth builds trust. Secrets build walls. R – Respect: Love may bring you together, but respect keeps you there. T – Trust: Without trust, your marriage is just a hollow structure. R – Reconciliation after a Dispute: It’s not about never fighting. It’s about knowing how to make peace. E – Emotionally Support and Entice Your Spouse: Be the safe place, the encourager, and yes—the flame. S – Submit to Your Spouse: Submission is not about control; it’s about choosing humility, service, and mutual love. S – Sexually Satisfy Your Spouse: Physical intimacy is not just about pleasure—it’s about connection, vulnerability, and sacred unity.
These eight principles aren’t just tips—they’re bricks. You lay them one by one. You reinforce them with intention. You guard them from decay and attack. And together, they become your fortress.
This series is for the couple who’s trying. For the spouse who’s tired. For the husband or wife who knows there’s more. Over the next few posts, we’ll dig deep into each element of the FORTRESS—one letter at a time.
Because here’s what we believe: strong marriages don’t happen by accident. They are built. Fortified. And fiercely protected.
So stay tuned.
Because it’s time to fight for your fortress.
Let’s build something that lasts. The FORTRESS Series continues in our next post as we explore “F – Fasting and Prayer: The Spiritual Blueprint for Marital Breakthrough.
Let’s just call it what it is: far too many brilliant, bold, and beautiful women are dimming their light to make their husbands shine brighter. And not because they lack talent, ambition, clarity or (most importantly) faith; but because somewhere along the line, someone convinced them that their strength was a threat. That confidence is masculine, brilliance in a woman is something to be “toned down” and living out their God-ordained purpose is tethered to the way in which they support their men.
And so, the performance begins.
It’s subtle. It’s sophisticated. And at times, it’s even unconscious. But it’s happening—in kitchens, boardrooms, Bible studies, and dinner parties.
The Art of Playing Small (a.k.a. Strategic Cluelessness)
It usually starts with a smile. A deferential nod. A too-loud laugh at a not-that-funny joke. Suddenly, she’s asking how to reset the Wi-Fi, even though she’s the one who set it up in the first place. It’s not that she doesn’t know. It’s that she’s learned to make him feel like he knows best.
So she leans into performance: “Oh honey, can you help me with this? You’re just so much better at it than I.” Translation: “I could’ve done it in 4 minutes, but I’m trying to keep you from spiraling into a confidence crisis.”
Career Acrobatics: The Backflip Into the Background
Let’s talk about ambition. She’s been offered a promotion, a big one. More money, more leadership, more visibility. But it comes with power. And with power comes tension.
So she starts to weigh it: “If I take this, will he feel insecure?” “Will I out-earn him? Outgrow him?” “Will people say I wear the pants?”
Rather than risk unsettling the fragile balance, she politely steps aside. “Now’s not the right time,” she says. But it is. The problem isn’t timing—it’s social conditioning wrapped with a bow of guilt.
Emotional Labor: Where She Becomes His Life Coach
This woman isn’t just a wife—she’s a full-time ego management consultant. She doesn’t just support; she curates his reality. She minimizes her accomplishments so his seem larger. She edits her ideas so he feels smarter. She celebrates his mediocre while keeping her excellence under wraps.
Why? Because she’s been taught that protecting his pride is her job.
But here’s a question: When did marriage become a space where one must shrink for the other to feel tall?
Self-Deprecation as a Defense Mechanism
You’ve seen it—and maybe done it. “I’m so bad at math—he handles all the finances.” Or, “I don’t understand politics—I let him explain it.” Even though she’s got the degree, the budget spreadsheet, and a folder full of receipts. But instead of owning her brilliance, she makes herself the punchline so he can be the professor.
It’s not humility—it’s survival wrapped in humor.
Faith-Based Shrinking: When Theology Becomes a Gag Order
In some religious circles, the message is even louder: He’s the head. You’re the neck. Which often gets twisted into: Speak only when spoken to. Lead only when no man is available. So even the spiritually gifted woman, the one with fire in her bones and revelation in her spirit, will sit on her hands during Bible study—while Brother John fumbles through Leviticus like it’s a Rubik’s Cube.
But while she’s busy dimming her voice, the whole room misses out. The insight she carries? The revelation she’s been sitting on? It stays locked inside—while the atmosphere stays the same. And deep down, she knows the Holy Spirit has been tugging at her heart, nudging her to speak, to share, to pour out. But she swallows it—for the sake of keeping the spotlight on him. And in doing so, she quiets not just herself, but the very move of God within her.
Performing Helplessness: The Cute Confused Act
You know the move: “Can you open this jar for me?” “Can you fix the printer?” “Can you drive? I’m just not good with directions.”
Some of it is legit. But often, it’s theater. The goal? To appear soft, sweet, and dependent enough not to threaten the man she loves.
Because heaven forbid he realize… she’s actually unstoppable.
The Tragic Truth?
When a woman dims her God-given light, everyone loses.
She loses the fullness of her calling. He loses the strength of her partnership. The marriage loses its divine balance and power.
Because love that demands silence isn’t love—it’s a performance. And God never called His daughters to audition for acceptance. He called them to purpose.
Ephesians 2:10 reminds us, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” That includes her voice, her vision, her leadership, and her light.
And Proverbs 31? It doesn’t describe a hidden, hushed woman. It describes a woman who “opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26). A woman who rises, builds, trades, teaches, and fears the Lord. That kind of woman is meant to shine.
So no, she wasn’t made to shrink behind a man. She was made to stand beside him—with power, with purpose, with divine clarity.
Because when both lights shine—hers and his—the whole house is filled with glory.
So here’s to the women who are done performing.
Who are tired of pretending they don’t know how to fix the TV. Tired of trading dreams for domestic approval. Tired of silencing their voice in the name of submission.
Let this be the year you stop dimming your light and start living in the full wattage of your calling.
Because a woman who shines doesn’t cast a shadow on her husband—she helps him see better.
Shine, sis. Shine so bright you light up the whole house and ultimately the world!
Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.
As professional women of faith with families, we can all relate to the feeling of being pulled in a million different directions. From work deadlines to soccer games and church events, it seems like everything is urgent and important. It can feel overwhelming, to say the least.
I recently stumbled upon a video on Instagram of a mom who was talking to herself as she went about her day completing various tasks. To the untrained eye, one would easily diagnose her as having ADHD. It was as if her attention was being pulled in several directions at once, and she was constantly shifting from one task to another.
In one instance, she walked into the kitchen to do something, but quickly became distracted by an item that was out of place. Without skipping a beat, she picked it up and took it to the garage. However, while she was there, she noticed something that she had forgotten to do earlier and promptly took care of it.
As I watched her, I couldn’t help but relate to her experiences. This has been my whole life too. The constant distractions and inability to focus on one thing at a time can be exhausting, and it’s often hard to get anything done efficiently.
But seeing her tackle her day with such determination and humor was inspiring. It’s important to remember that ADHD doesn’t define us, and we have the power to live a productive and fulfilling life.
But here’s the thing: if we let ourselves get distracted by all the urgent things vying for our attention, we’ll never be able to fully focus on the truly important things in our lives. So how do we master our focus and eliminate distractions? It’s not always easy, but with a little intentionality and practice, it can be done.
Step 1: Set Clear Priorities
Before you can eliminate distractions, you need to have a clear idea of what your priorities are. Take some time to really think about what matters most to you and what you want to accomplish. Maybe it’s advancing in your career, spending quality time with your family, or growing in your faith. Whatever it is, make sure it’s at the forefront of your mind as you go about your day.
Step 2: Create a Schedule
Once you know what your priorities are, create a schedule that reflects them. Block out time for work, family time, and any other commitments you have. When you’re in the middle of a task, resist the urge to check your email or social media. Instead, set designated times throughout the day to check in on those things.
Step 3: Eliminate Physical Distractions
Another key to mastering your focus is eliminating physical distractions. This could mean anything from turning off your phone notifications to closing your office door to minimize noise. You may also want to consider using noise-cancelling headphones or playing instrumental music to help you concentrate.
Step 4: Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment. When you’re tempted to let your mind wander or get distracted, take a deep breath and refocus your attention on the task at hand. This can help you stay focused on your priorities.
Step 5: Get Accountability
It can be helpful to have someone hold you accountable for staying focused and eliminating distractions. This could be a friend, family member, or colleague who checks in with you periodically to see how you’re doing.
Remember, mastering your focus and eliminating distractions is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time and practice to develop these habits, but the payoff is worth it. By staying focused on what matters most to us, we can live more meaningful, purposeful lives.
I’d love to hear from you. What are you doing to eliminate distractions so you can focus on your goals?
About the Author: Meet Chauna-Kaye Pottinger, a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.
As the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, many of us find ourselves making resolutions for the upcoming year. Whether it’s losing weight, adopting a healthier lifestyle, or pursuing a new career, the start of a new year often symbolizes a fresh beginning. However, as the initial excitement wanes, so too does the commitment to these resolutions. This is where the importance of discipline comes into play.
This year, Jaymie and I decided to try something different with our kids. We asked them to come up with a word that would act as a guide for our family behavior and actions throughout the year. From cooking to homework to sibling rivalry, this word will be in the back of our minds as we navigate through life’s unpredictable twists and turns. And after much discussion, we have finally decided on our word for the year: consistency. We know that this powerful word will help us stay on track and hold each other accountable when it matters most. I did make it a point to remind the children and myself that one of the most important element in being consistent is to apply discipline in all we do.
Discipline vs. Resolutions:
Here’s the thing, New Year’s resolutions are typically born out of a desire for positive change, but all too often, they lack the structure and commitment necessary for success. Discipline, on the other hand, is the unwavering commitment to a set of principles and actions that lead to long-term success. While resolutions are often abandoned by February, discipline is a year-round mindset that withstands the test of time.
Consistency breeds success:
Discipline is the key to consistency, and consistency is the hallmark of success. Rather than relying on the fleeting motivation that comes with the start of a new year, discipline helps create habits that are sustainable over the long term. Whether it’s exercising regularly, sticking to a budget, or maintaining a healthy work-life balance, disciplined individuals are better equipped to handle the challenges that inevitably arise. Very rarely do we ever smile when we hear the word discipline, but of a certainty we do smile when we reap its rewards.
Setting realistic goals:
Resolutions often fail because they are unrealistic or too vague. Discipline involves setting achievable, measurable, and realistic goals. By breaking down larger objectives into smaller, manageable tasks, individuals can maintain focus and track their progress. This incremental approach fosters a sense of accomplishment and reinforces the importance of discipline in achieving long-term success.
Overcoming setbacks:
Life is filled with unexpected challenges, and resolutions often crumble in the face of adversity. Proverbs 24:16 reminds us that “for the righteous falls seven times and rises again.” Discipline, as echoed in Hebrews 12:11, becomes the bedrock of resilience, offering the strength needed to prevail over setbacks.This transformative mind-shift not only allows for adaptability but aligns with Romans 5:3-4, teaching that “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” Through discipline grounded in faith, temporary setbacks become stepping stones, ensuring that the journey towards our goals remains steadfast despite life’s uncertainties.
Discipline, however, provides the resilience needed to overcome setbacks. Instead of viewing obstacles as insurmountable roadblocks, disciplined individuals see them as opportunities for growth. This shift in their mindset allows for adaptability and ensures that a temporary setback doesn’t derail the entire journey towards one’s goals.
Building a foundation for success:
Discipline is not just about achieving specific goals; it’s about building a foundation for success in all areas of life. Whether it’s personal development, professional growth, or maintaining healthy relationships, discipline serves as the cornerstone. By cultivating self-control, perseverance, and responsibility, individuals can navigate life’s challenges with grace and determination.
While New Year’s resolutions may provide a temporary burst of motivation, the true path to lasting change lies in the cultivation of discipline. Discipline is the driving force behind consistent effort, realistic goal-setting, resilience in the face of setbacks, and the creation of a foundation for lifelong success. As we embark on a new year, let us prioritize discipline over fleeting resolutions and embrace the transformative power it holds in shaping our lives for the better.
Question: What is your word for 2024?
About the Author: Meet Chauna-Kaye Pottinger, a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.
If quick, easy, delicious and healthy are qualities that you are looking for in one dish, then look no further. This amazing Teriyaki tofu and stir fried noodles checks the box for all of the above. In this post, I will share with you my method of preparing tofu and I would love to hear about your preferred way of preparing this amazing dish in the comments.
Teriyaki tofu is a delightful plant-based protein that is popular in East Asian cuisine. It entails coating tofu pieces with a sweet and salty teriyaki sauce composed of soy sauce, rice wine vinegar, sugar, and ginger. The tofu is then baked, air or pan-fried until crispy on the exterior while still tender on the inside. The recipe’s best part, though, is the stir-fry noodles, which combine various vegetables and noodles to produce a satisfying one-pot meal.
To begin with, a basic teriyaki sauce is key to this recipe. It is uncomplicated to make and requires only a few basic pantry ingredients.
Teriyaki Sauce
1/4 Cup of Soy Sauce
1/4 Cup of Rice Wine Vinegar
2 Tbs of Sugar
1 Tsp of Grated Ginger
Instructions:
In a small saucepan, whisk together 1/4 cup of soy sauce, 1/4 cup of Rice Wine Vinegar, 2 tablespoons of sugar, and 1 teaspoon of grated ginger. Bring the mixture to a boil and then reduce the heat to a simmer, stirring frequently, until the sugar has dissolved and the sauce has thickened a bit, approximately 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool while you prepare the tofu and vegetables.
Or if you are a busy mom like me, you could just buy a Teriyaki sauce from the store like the one pictured in my video. It is called the Kikkoman Teriyaki Baste and Glaze.
Tofu Recipe
1 Pack Extra Firm Tofu
1/2 Tsp Salt
1/2 Tsp Black Pepper
1/2 Tsp Garlic Powder
1 Tbs Corn Starch
Tofu Instructions
For the tofu, I personally prefer to work with the extra firm tofu, since it is much easier to work with. Start by pressing out any excess water by covering it in a clean kitchen towel or paper towel while applying pressure for 15-20 minutes. Then, chop the tofu into small bite-sized pieces. In a separate bowl, whisk two tablespoons of salt, pepper, garlic powder and cornstarch. Toss the tofu in the cornstarch mixture until coated, then place on an oiled tray and stick it into your air fryer. If you do not have an air fryer, you may pan fry the Tofu until it is crispy and golden on the outside.
Meanwhile, prepare the stir-fry noodles by boiling 8 ounces of your favorite noodles according to package instructions. I personally purchase this pre-cooked one occasionally. In a large wok or skillet, add a tablespoon of oil and stir-fry your select vegetables, such as bell peppers, mushrooms, onions, and broccoli, until crisp-tender, about 5 minutes.
After that, add the noodles, followed by the stir fry sauce. Stir everything together until evenly coated and the sauce has been absorbed into the noodles.
Lastly, in a separate bowl, add the crispy tofu pieces and pour teriyaki sauce over the tofu. For a quick tutorial, watch my video below.
To serve, spoon the stir-fry noodles onto a platter and top with the crispy teriyaki tofu. If desired, sprinkle with sesame seeds or green onions for garnish.
Teriyaki Tofu Video
This teriyaki tofu with stir-fry noodles recipe is a simple and tasty way to enjoy a meatless meal while incorporating different flavors and textures. It requires minimal effort and time while still packing in a nutritious punch. So, next time you’re in the mood for something savory but healthy, give this recipe a try!
Unlocking the promises of Psalm 37 brings great joy.
“Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desires”. – Psalm37:4 NLT
There are numerous buried treasures embedded within Psalm 37 that holds promises that we can claim over our lives from the beginning to the end of the chapter. Here is another promise: “Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desire.”
How many of us today wish that God would give us our hearts desire? Will He give you that pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing for months? Will He help you to buy that house you so desperately need? Does the desires of your heart include the need for God to fix what has been broken in your marriage for several years? Can He by some miracle change the behavior of that tyrannical boss who keeps getting under your skin?
In this text lies a conditional promise. Conditional promises provide a specific result (usually a blessing); however, it requires that you take certain steps to realize such blessings. In this case, for us to receive our heart’s desire we must take delight in the Lord. What does it mean to take delight in the Lord?
When we take delight in the Lord, we would have attained a level of oneness with Him that will help us enjoy the things He enjoys. Our hearts and minds are focused on eternal things. When our will is aligned with God’s will, selfishness and materialism will have no place in the desires we will treasure.
The things that God considers to be the most important to Him will become what is most important to us. A similar promise is given in Matthew 6:33 to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you”.
We have the key to unlock Heaven’s storehouse and claim the promises of God over our lives. I challenge you today, to take delight in the things of God. Rejoice in the fact that you can study His words unmolested. Enjoy spending time with Him through prayer and meditation. Be thankful for each moment you are alive. By doing this, we will receive the desires of our hearts.
The Jamaican escovitch fish is simply one of the best dishes ever, and if you don’t know, you better ask somebody. I can think of few things that will leave your tastebuds as thankful as this dish. This is something that you might want to include as part of your next Easter dinner or the dish you will take to the next major family gathering after COVID-19.
In case you may have missed it, I love fish. I particularly love fish with a little touch of the island. My Delectable Jerk Salmon recipe was a hit with many people and so here I go again with yet another fish recipe that is guaranteed to leave your family asking for more.
Islanders have much to celebrate when it comes to the our local cuisines. There’s just something magical about the natural blend of herbs and spices, it’s almost like they take on a whole new meaning in a Caribbean kitchen. In this post, I hope to bring a taste of the island right to your kitchen.
For this dish, I used parrot fish. This fish has been a favorite of mine ever since I was a little girl growing up in the rural hills of St. James, Jamaica. Our dull and laborious Sunday mornings were made brighter by the buzzing horns of the fish vans as the fish vendors (most of who were not from the area) made their way through our community. Their horns became a stimuli that activated anticipation for a wonderful and tasty Sunday dinner.
parrot_fish
The parrot fish is second to none in its beauty and taste. The meat has a very interesting way to just melt away in your mouth. It requires very little seasoning as its natural flavor is just enough to take your taste buds to the next level. I am not naive enough to think that everyone in the world has access to this sumptuous delicacy, so if you don’t have access to the parrot feel free to dispense with the parrot fish and use red snapper or just about any sea fish you place your hands on.
While there are some variations to the way escovitch is prepared, some of which may include the use of thyme and pimento seeds, I believe if you go with my approach, you will still be able to achieve a great result. Feel free to modify as you deem fit by adding some pimento seeds and thyme leaves to the escovitch pickle. Without further adieu I present to you my version of the:
JAMAICAN ESCOVITCH FISH & SAUCE RECIPE
Escovitch Sauce Ingredients
1 Onion
4 Bell Peppers (Red, Green, Yellow and Orange)
1 Carrot (Shredded or Julienned)
4 Scotch Bonnet Peppers (Red, Green, Yellow and Orange)
Distilled Vinegar
Pimento Seeds (optional)
¼ cup Olive Oil
Fried Fish Ingredients
5lbs Parrot or Red Snapper Fish
1 tbs Salt
1 tbs Pepper
1 tbs Garlic Powder
Vegetable Cooking Oil
Escovitch Sauce Instructions
Chop all bell peppers, hot peppers, and onions
Julienne carrots (shredded carrots are perfect substitutes)
Combine all chopped vegetables and seasoning in a small pot
Pour Vinegar on vegetables until it is covered ¾ of the way
Pour olive oil in the mixture
Place on stove and bring to a boil for 3-5 minutes
Remove from stove and pour over the fish
Fish
Rinse fish with ¼ cup of vinegar and a bowl of water
Remove all fins and scales from the fish
Pour the cooking oil in pot to approximately ½ inch high
In a small saucer combine salt, pepper, and garlic powder
Massage fish with seasoning and let it marinate for 2-3 hours (the longer the better)
Place fish in the pot and fry until it is golden brown
New Year’s Day is a time when most of us hit the reset button, as we reflect on our achievements and shortcomings over the course of the past year and seek to make plans on how we will right the wrongs for the upcoming year. If I should describe the year 2020 as the year from hell, I am pretty sure that many would agree with me. Without exception, every single human being on planet Earth has been impacted by the onslaught of the global pandemic, caused by the novel Coronavirus (COVID-19).
With all the tragedies that have occurred within the space of a year, it wouldn’t be a bad idea for us all, if we should just seek some kind of therapy in order to explore whether or not we are coping with this thing in a healthy way. Seriously though, don’t you agree? Are we equipped with the tools we need to cope in 2021? I mean come on, as if life wasn’t challenging enough already, you add a pandemic in the mix and it just really shoots passed hard to frankly unbearable levels.
Let’s do a quick inventory of some (I dare not attempt all) of the things we faced in 2020. Loss of loved ones to the cold cruel hands of a deadly virus, sustaining life-long illnesses as a result of being infected with the said virus, broken relationships, physical distancing that has restricted our freedom to move and gather as we see fit, wearing a face mask while in public, smaller funeral sizes, which has limited our ability to physically show our respect and support to the family of those who have lost loved ones, an avalanche of virtual gatherings (meetings, church services, conferences etc.), working parents have been forced to homeschool their children (my least favorite), a divisive and polarized election…need I go on? Oh! the list is endless.
With all of these losses and challenges, there is one important question that I have for you. Have you effectively and successfully grieved 2020 in the healthiest way possible?
Recently, I sat down with two mental health experts – Dr. Pearnel Bell (Clinical Psychologist) and Dr. Grace Kelly (Grief and Bereavement Specialist), to discuss the subject matter of grief and how we can intentionally get through this crisis so that as we launch into 2021, we can be equipped and ready to take on the challenges of a new year.
From that discussion I was able to put together a summary of coping mechanisms we can immediately implement in order to successfully grieve 2020. Are you ready to leave the baggage behind? Here is a list of some of the things you can actually do:
Own the feeling: It is quite normal and healthy to feel the pain associated with a loss. Reflect on what you have lost in 2020 and be intentional about accepting the fact that it was a loss. For example, I miss getting dressed up and going to in-person networking events. What about you? What have you missed?
Talk about it: it is important that you find an empathetic listener with whom you can share your feelings about the loss. For example, if you experienced the loss of a loved one, you can choose to tell stories about the person you lost, to honor their memory and legacy. “Having a trusted source that can serve as an outlet for you will go a long way in allowing you confront the realness of the loss you face, so you can be accepting of the need for change” Dr. Bell.
Cry: many people view crying as a sign of weakness, especially adults. According to Dr. Grace Kelly, crying is quite the opposite of weakness because “it takes a lot of courage and strength to come face-to-face with the real pain”. Crying is a wonderful release of the tension caused by the pain or loss. So let the tears flow, don’t restrict them, because it will definitely can have a healing effect upon you.
Find a relaxing hobby: some people exercise, others dance, paint, read, start a garden, volunteer, etc. the possibilities are endless. I personally have benefited immensely from dancing and painting. Whatever provides you with some amount of relaxation and release, go ahead and do it. I guarantee that you will find it to be very relaxing.
Practice Mindfulness: It is quite helpful to take time out to meditate. Mindfulness is a “mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations”. Find a quiet place in your home or outdoors, practice deep breathing exercises, focus your thoughts on your breathing for approximately 10 minutes twice daily.
Practice Gratitude as a Lifestyle: Whenever sadness and stress sets it, its not very easy to do this, but find 10 things that you can be thankful for or find someone to express gratitude to for the role they’ve played in your life and overall development. You’d be a mazed at the healing effect this can have on your mental well-being.
Let Go: though this is the last one listed, it is by no means the least important. It is important for you to say goodbye. Say goodbye to the negative energies associated with the loss. Say goodbye to the loved one knowing that it is one way of expressing the fact that you will miss them. Personally, my faith and my hope in the resurrection has served me very well during my time of incredible loss. It has made saying goodbye much more bearable.
If you are interested in seeing the full discussion with Drs Bell and Kelly at Let’s Talk Life and Legacy: A Moment with Dr. Grace, use the video link below to access it.
My prayer for you for 2021, is that you will be able to realize your God-given purpose. I pray that as you rise above the challenges we will face in 2021, that you will have peace beyond measure.
Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a Christian, wife and mother who is the founder and owner of Aprons ‘n Heels Blog. She lives and breathes her life’s calling of uniting her skills and talents with the power of the Holy Spirit in order to spread the good news of salvation to theentire world. Aprons ‘n Heels is a blog created to inspire and motivate professional christian womenseeking to find a healthy balance between their home, work and spiritual lives.
Growing up on the beautiful island of Jamaica, there are two staple items needed in every household to truly feel and embrace the spirit of Christmas, namely: sorrel and Christmas (fruit) cake. Over the years, I along with my tastebuds have had the distinguished honor of testing all different types of Christmas (fruit) cakes, some great and some not so great.
It would be remiss of me to not give true credit to those who have had a profound impact on my cake baking skills. There are four distinguished Christmas cake experts in my life (Aunty Ruth, Aunt Dorrett, Charisse and Vivian). Each of these amazing ladies have given me the trade secrets on how to get this cake just right, and I am happy to report that using the secrets shared by each of them, I have achieved what my husband has now coined as Christmas(Fruit) cake perfection.
Since I am getting older now, (though I hate to admit it) and there are emerging concerns about my health, I now have to resort to healthier choices, even during the holidays. The expertise gleaned from my cake experts along with my venturesome habits have led me to experiment with gluten-free, vegan and sugar-free products. I am happy to report that my recent experiment turned out to be a huge success.
Before I share the recipe it is important for me to share a very important piece of information with you. For Christmas cakes to meet my personal standard of perfection, it has to have three very important elements: the texture, the taste and the color. The right texture for me is one that is soft and moist. The right taste for me is the perfect blend of the fruits, wine and sweetness (most people get this part very wrong) and the perfect color for me is dark brown (almost to the point of being black).
So now that we’ve established that there is a right way and a wrong way to make these cakes based on texture, taste and color, lets further share some important best practices on how to get it right the first time around.
Texture
When a black cake is not done right, this will result in the cake texture being very tight or as some would call it “puddiny”. For me this kind of texture is less than ideal. Usually this texture is as a result of over-mixing the batter or applying the wrong folding methods which causes the batter to be tight. My perfect folding patter is to bring the wooden spoon down through the middle and continue into a circle while bringing the bottom of the mixture to the top.
The other problem with the texture is that it can be too dry if the oven is turned up too high too soon. The best way to avoid this is by starting low (I start as low as 270 and move up by 50 degrees every 45 minutes) and progressively add more heat as time goes by. This will reduce the possibility of your cake turning up with bitter and dry especially around the edges.
Taste
Fruitcakes are meant to taste sweet. The best way to know if a black cake was not well done, is if there is an overwhelming taste of any one ingredient. Sometimes, people overdo-it on the wrong fruits. Mixed peel fruits for example should be subtle (otherwise the cake will taste like an easter bun), and no one set of fruits should outshine the other. Another way to judge the taste is whether or not their is a bitter after taste. If this is the case, you want to either check the browning or the length of time the cake was exposed to an excessive amount of heat. These can all play a role in the cake tasting less than desirable.
Color
Let’s face it, Christmas/black cake should look dark brown or black. Any color that is too light for me is an indication that the right amount of fruits or browning was not included. This will almost inevitably result in the cake tasting bitter or undesirable. Using the measurements in this recipe will help you to not only achieve the right color but you will also achieve the right taste and texture as well.
For this recipe I have included links as well as substitutes that may be used. Please feel free to go ahead and click the links.
Vegan, Gluten-free, Sugar Free Christmas Cake (Fruit or Black Cake) Recipe
1 Cup Raisins
1 Cup Prunes
1 Cup Cherries
1 Cup Currants
2 Cups Port Wine
½ Cup of Rum (may substitute rum and wine with grape juice but it won’t taste the same)
Place fruits, wine and rum (Concord grape juice) in a pot and boil until the fruit fully absorbs the liquid (please note that alcohol evaporates when heated). You will know when this has taken place after fruits have swollen. Set aside the fruits to cool for approximately 2-3 hours.
After fruits are cooled, blend fruit and wine together into a paste like substance pictured above.
In a separate bowl combine gluten-free flour (after sifting), baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg
Combine Lakanto Monkfruit Sweetner and Vegan Butter in the main mixing bowl and mix until it is creamy and soft
Follow instructions based on the package to create the correct amount of egg replacement.
Place egg replacement mixture in the main mixing bowl with vegan butter and sugar replacement
Add salt, browning, vanilla extract and lemon zest to the mixture
Use mixer on medium to blend all the ingredients together
Add ½ cup of blended fruits to the mixture and use a wooden spoon to fold until perfectly blended
Add ½ cup of spiced flour to the mixture and fold until perfectly blended
Repeat steps 9-10 until all the ingredients have been used up.
Baking Instructions:
Preheat oven at 270 Degrees
Place cake in oven and bake for 45 minutes then keep adding 50 degrees until desired baking texture has been achieved.
If you place a knife or other sharp-edged utensil in the center of the cake it should come up without any residue, this is an indication that the cake has been thoroughly baked.
I sure hope you will enjoy baking this as much as I did. This cake was perfect for me in every way and I hope it will be the same for you. Please feel free to share with me your success stories.
Few things in this world makes my mouth as happy as this absolutely delicious salmon. This is a recipe I developed by trial and error. I dare you to try it, I guarantee that you will fall in love, and salmon will never taste the same way to you again.
I have to admit, my family enjoys my cooking, but whenever I tell them that salmon is on the menu, they smile from ear-to-ear, especially my children. The first time I had salmon was at a family dinner in New York. My auntie Lorna made it. Her preparation style included a very savory concoction of sweet and salty. It left me wanting for more. It was absolutely delicious, needless to say I fell in love.
I left New York inspired. On the heels of my trip I tried but I failed at it. The perfect salmon for me is one that is the perfect blend of juicy and crispy. This savory dish is guaranteed to soothe your taste buds, with just the right amount of island spices that take your appetite on an amazing adventure to paradise. After several attempts I was finally able to make the perfect jerk salmon.
Allow me to share with you this amazing recipe. I guarantee you that your tastebuds will thank you.
Recipe
Salmon
½ Tbs – Salt
½ Tbs – Pepper
½ Tbs – Garlic Powder
Walkerswood Traditional Jerk Seasoning
Kraft Creamy Pepperseed Dressing
Method
Rinse Salmon with vinegar and water
Gently massage Salmon with seasoning (salt, pepper, garlic powder and jerk seasoning)
Let salmon sit and marinate for 3-4 hours in refrigerator
Turn boiler on low
Place salmon on top rack in broiler for 15-20 minutes (monitor for dryness)
Remove from oven and then apply poppyseed dressing to salmon and place it back in the oven
Place broiler on high for 2-3 minutes or until color of preference is achieved.
Serve with your favorite choice of salad, mashed potato or rice
Faith in Focus: Devotions for Professional Women 