Tag: Christian Marriage

Let’s Make Up: Turning Conflict Into Connection

Because peace is more than just the absence of noise.

Last week in our Love Fortress blog series, we tackled the topic of trust. It is the sacred glue that keeps our relationships strong, even in the face of storms. We talked about how trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and sometimes a lifetime to repair. But what happens when that trust is rattled? What happens when a heated argument leads to icy silence? You find yourself lying on opposite ends of the bed. Each of you is wrapped in your own pride and pain.

Let’s talk about reconciliation after a dispute; because let’s be honest, even the most “in love” couples have days when love feels more like a battlefield than a ballroom dance.

When Disputes Happen

Let’s paint the picture: You’ve just had a big argument. Words flew like daggers. One of you stormed out; or worse, stayed in but gave the silent treatment like it was an Olympic decathlon. Maybe you’re now withholding affection or intimacy, hoping your spouse will feel the sting of your frustration. We get it. When you’ve been wronged, there’s something satisfying, at least in the moment, about pulling back. It feels like justice.

But here’s the raw truth: weaponizing silence or sex creates more distance, not more clarity. The louder one spouse gets, the more right they feel; the quieter the other becomes, the more resentful they grow. And before you know it, the issue becomes less about what was said and more about how both of you reacted.

I remember early in my marriage with Jaymie, I had a bad habit of threatening divorce during heated arguments. I didn’t realize at the time how damaging those words were. In my mind, I was expressing just how hurt I felt; but to him, it sent the message that our marriage wasn’t meaningful or secure. One day, Jaymie looked at me and said, “It’s hard for me to have confidence and trust in our relationship when it feels like you’re ready to walk away at any moment.” That stopped me in my tracks. His vulnerability shook something inside of me. I realized that reconciliation doesn’t stand a chance when threats are sitting at the table.

The Pain of Being Wronged

Being wronged by your spouse stings in a way few things do. This is the person who vowed to love you. They promised to protect your heart. They said they would cover you emotionally. Now they feel like the very source of your ache. That pain can feel lonely—maddening even. In that space, it’s easy to rehearse your side of the argument. You build your case. You seek validation from friends or family. But here’s what often gets overlooked: sometimes, we’re reacting to the story we’ve told ourselves about what happened. It’s not necessarily the full truth. And when those stories aren’t filtered through the lens of grace, context, or clarity, they can distort reality. Yet because they feel true, we act on them as if they are.

Here’s a gentle warning: sharing every marital fight with your circle may win you sympathy. However, it can cost you trust. Your spouse can forgive you, but your mama will not. Your best friend will never look at them the same again. And reconciliation becomes even harder when too many spectators have a front-row seat to your private battles.

Don’t Let the Sun Go Down…

Ephesians 4:26 offers timeless wisdom: “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” You don’t have to resolve every issue before bedtime. However, don’t go to sleep marinating in bitterness. Angry hearts harden overnight.

Here are some intuitive and light-hearted ways to pursue peace instead of prolonging pain:

  1. Break the Ice, Literally
    Hand your spouse a popsicle with a sticky note that says, “Let’s cool off and talk when you’re ready.” Humor heals.
  2. Initiate a Grace Truce
    Say, “I’m not ready to hash it all out, but I love you and want to get back to us.” It shows humility and gives space for resolution without demanding it immediately.
  3. Touch Before Talk
    A hand on the back, a gentle hug, or just sitting close can often soften a heart faster than an argument ever could.
  4. Pray Instead of Plot
    Instead of plotting your comeback, pray for your spouse and your own heart. Ask God to give you grace and a listening ear.
  5. Avoid the Blame Game
    Use “I feel” instead of “you always.” There’s no peace in pointing fingers; only more bruises.
  6. Choose Connection Over Control
    Don’t withhold sexual intimacy as a form of punishment. Sex isn’t a bargaining chip; it’s a gift, a healing space, and sometimes the doorway back to emotional unity.
  7. Write it Out
    If speaking feels too charged, write a heartfelt note. Sometimes the written word opens doors the spoken word can’t.

Grace and Humility: The Way Forward

Peace doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened; it means choosing grace when you could choose retaliation. It means humbling yourself, even if you weren’t “the one who started it.” Reconciliation occurs when flawed humans come together. They decide that we is more important than me.

So, take a breath. Be first to apologize. Or at least be first to reach out. Say the hard thing, but say it with love.

As you begin to patch the cracks with grace, remember this—you’re not just ending a fight. You’re building a fortress.

Next week, we’ll heat things up (in the best way). We will explore “Enticing Your Spouse.” Rebuilding intimacy after conflict is more than possible. It’s beautiful.

Until then, love hard, forgive quickly, and never stop fighting to keep your Love Fortress intact.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

Starve the Distractions and Feed the Flame

By Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Last week, in our post Building Marriages that Last, we introduced the idea of constructing a strong, fortified marriage, one that can weather storms, resist subtle attacks, and stand tall through every season. We talked about intentionality, spiritual alignment, and making God the architect of your relationship. This week, we’re diving into the very first brick that lays the foundation for a love that doesn’t just survive, but thrives. That brick? Fasting and prayer.

Let’s face it, modern marriages are under pressure. Life moves fast. Kids need things. Work demands our energy. Phones steal our attention. And before you know it, you’re in the same house, same bed, but miles apart.

Communication starts to break down. Passion starts to flicker. Resentment quietly builds. You begin to think, “Maybe we’re just in a rough patch,” but that rough patch turns into a dry season.

Here’s the spiritual truth: many of the challenges couples face are spiritual in nature; but we’re trying to fight them with natural tools. And that’s where fasting and prayer come in.

Jesus Made It Clear: Some Things Won’t Move Without It

In Mark 9:29, after the disciples tried and failed to deal with a spiritual issue, Jesus said something sobering: “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.” Read that again: nothing but.

There are certain strongholds in your marriage, be it emotional disconnection, recurring conflict, unforgiveness, neglect, or even just complacency, that will not budge without spiritual power. Fasting isn’t a hunger strike to get God’s attention. It’s a spiritual accelerator that clears away distractions so you can focus your heart, your prayers, and your energy on inviting God to do what only He can.

Fasting Isn’t Just About Food (Thank God)

Look, if you know me, then you know I love me some good Jamaican food. I mean, don’t come between me and a lovely bowl of chicken soup unless you’re ready for a situation. (Shhh… don’t tell anyone, but I’ve had full worship sessions thanking God for good food)

But seriously, fasting these days doesn’t have to mean giving up your favorite meal—though if God calls you to surrender the mac and cheese, I won’t argue. The heart of fasting is about giving up anything that’s been feasting on your time or focus. Whether it’s food, social media, your favorite show, or even your need to be right (oof)—it’s about realigning your heart toward God and saying, “My marriage matters more than my distractions.”

Because sometimes, what really needs starving… isn’t your stomach—it’s your schedule.

Here are some creative ways couples and individuals are fasting today:

  • Social Media Fast: Unplug from the scroll and use that time to journal, reflect, or pray for your spouse.
  • TV/Streaming Fast: Give up your go-to show for a week and replace it with intentional time together or in devotion.
  • Phone-Free Evenings: No screens after 7 p.m. means more time to talk, touch, or pray together.
  • Complaining Fast: Challenge yourself to go seven days without criticizing or complaining about your spouse. (It’s harder than you think… but so worth it.)
  • Coffee or Sugar Fast: If you’re a daily indulger, giving that up becomes a physical reminder to intercede for your marriage every time you crave it.

Remember, fasting is not about perfection—it’s about priority. You don’t need to fast flawlessly to see results. This isn’t a spiritual performance or a “holier than thou” competition. You’re not earning God’s love; you’re creating space for His presence.

The goal isn’t to check all the religious boxes or to make it through a 24-hour fast without a single hunger pang or mental slip-up. The goal is to say, “God, I’m putting You—and my marriage—at the top of my list.” It’s about intentionally pushing aside the noise, the habits, and the distractions to focus on what truly matters.

Even if you stumble, even if you start with small steps, God honors the effort. He sees the heart. And when you prioritize His presence over your preferences, He shows up in powerful ways. So don’t worry about getting it perfect. Just make it intentional.

The Love Ripple Effect

Here’s something you might not expect: when you fast and pray for your spouse, they feel it. Even if they don’t know exactly what you’re doing, the spiritual shift begins to affect the atmosphere in your home.

Imagine how it feels for your spouse to find out you’re skipping your favorite show, coffee, or even meals just to pray for them. That kind of love: sacrificial, spiritual, intentional, can spark a new level of intimacy and admiration. It tells them, “You matter to me. Our marriage matters to God. And I’m fighting for us.”

That’s how emotional walls begin to fall. That’s how broken communication starts to heal. That’s how great marriages stay great, and struggling ones begin to turn the corner.

Your Challenge This Week

Let’s build that first brick. Try this:

  1. Pick one day this week to fast.
  2. Choose one thing to give up that will help you focus.
  3. Use that time to pray specifically for your spouse and your marriage.
  4. Journal what you sense God is saying to you about your role in strengthening your love fortress.

Now that we’ve laid the foundation, we’re going to move into another powerful building block: Openness and Honesty. No fortress can stand without trust—and trust can’t grow where truth is absent. We’ll explore how to create safe spaces in your marriage where both partners can be real, vulnerable, and fully known.

Until then—skip the snack, seek the Savior, and keep building.

Because your love fortress is worth fighting for.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.