Tag: christianity

Let’s Talk About Sex

By: Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Well, here we are. Brick by brick, pillar by pillar, we’ve been building a fortress. It is strong enough to weather the storms of marriage. We’ve fasted and prayed. We’ve been honest and earned respect. We rebuilt trust and learned how to reconcile like pros. We added a little spice with enticement and embraced the power of godly submission. Now, it’s time to talk about the final, and let’s be honest, fan-favorite pillar of The Love Fortress: Sexual Satisfaction.

Yes, church folks, we’re going there. And no, the sanctuary won’t collapse.

The Taboo That Shouldn’t Be

Let’s be honest. Somewhere along the pews, pulpits, and prayer meetings, sex got either shamed into silence or watered down into something transactional: “duty sex,” “make-up sex,” or “marital obligation.” Yikes. The church, while full of good intentions, has often mishandled the conversation around sex. Either it’s avoided altogether like a scandalous secret or reduced to something carnal and sinful, unless you’re trying to make a baby, and even then, keep it quiet.

But let’s go back to the Garden for a minute. Before the fall, before shame, before fig leaves: there was nakedness and no shame. God didn’t awkwardly look away when Adam saw Eve and said, “Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!” That brother was into her. And God didn’t pull him aside like, “Hey, bro… tone it down.” He smiled and said, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Translation: “Enjoy yourselves!”

Sex wasn’t man’s invention. It was God’s gift. And like all His gifts: it was meant to bless, not burden.

Mutual Pleasure Is the Goal, Not a Bonus

Now let’s get real: sex should be mutually satisfying. It’s not a performance. It’s not one-sided. It’s not a race. One person should not cross the finish line. The other spouse should not be left staring at the ceiling wondering what just happened.

Too many couples have settled for silent frustration. Women, in particular, have been conditioned to think their climax is optional or “extra.” Sis, no. And bro, let’s not leave her behind on the express train to Pleasure Town. Sex was never designed to be selfish.

Talk about it. Before, during, and yes, even after. That post-game breakdown is just as holy as the act itself. What did you like? What made you feel close? What didn’t work? It’s not awkward: it’s intimacy in action.

Why Sexual Satisfaction Matters

Let’s stop acting like this is just physical. Sex is deeply emotional, spiritual, and psychological. It can heal wounds, build trust, break walls, and create a safe space where both spouses feel seen, wanted, and delighted in.

Here’s what a healthy sex life in marriage brings:

  • Deeper connection: It’s like a soul handshake, but way more exciting.
  • Stress relief: Yep, it’s better than a bubble bath or binge-watching your favorite series.
  • Confidence boost: Knowing you’re desired does wonders for your self-esteem.
  • Improved communication: Couples who talk about sex tend to talk about everything else better too.

And let’s not forget: it’s fun. Holy fun. Righteous, covenant-approved fun. If your bedroom feels more like a board meeting, it might be time to make a change. Rediscover the joy in it.

A Word for the Wounded

Some of us didn’t grow up hearing this. Some have been hurt, shamed, or misinformed about sex. If this topic stirs up guilt or grief, I see you. There’s grace. There’s healing. And there’s room for laughter and learning, even now. Don’t let your past script your present. This is a new chapter in your marriage, and yes: God wants it to be satisfying.

Finishing Strong (Pun Fully Intended)

Sex isn’t the cherry on top of your Love Fortress. It’s a foundational brick that locks in everything else. When done God’s way: with love, respect, communication, and laughter, it becomes a beautiful act of worship, bonding, and joy.

So here’s to finishing strong. Literally and figuratively. 😉

As we close out this Fortress Builder series, let me say this: protect what matters. Guard your marriage with all the pillars we’ve covered. Invest in each other. And don’t be afraid to enjoy one of God’s greatest gifts—with freedom, with passion, and with purpose.

And speaking of building strong marriages: mark your calendars! The Love Fortress Book will be available September 1, 2025, on all platforms where books are sold, including Audible. This isn’t just a book. It’s a marriage manual. It’s a love revival. It reminds you that with God, intentionality, and yes, even great sex, your marriage can be fortified like never before.

Tell a friend, plan to grab a copy, and get ready to transform your relationship from the inside out. The fortress is waiting, let’s build it together.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest

The S-Word That Gets a Bad Rap

By: Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Last week, we got a little spicy as we talked about Enticement. Yes, it’s the fun part of marriage. It involves secret winks, playful texts, and surprise kisses. You might even make a little extra effort in the perfume department. If you missed that post, go back and catch up. We spilled some serious tea on keeping the spark alive in Christian marriages!

This week, though… we’re shifting gears. We’re leaning into a word that makes some folks want to duck and run for cover: Submission.

Yep. That S-word. Next week we will talk about the next one (wink).

Let’s take a moment to breathe. Before your inner independent woman starts rolling her eyes or your husband starts smiling a little too hard, let’s get into what biblical submission really means. Because, friend, it’s not what the world has made it out to be.

“Submission” is Not a Dirty Word

Let’s be honest: submission often gets a bad reputation. We’ve been given a version that looks more like hierarchy than harmony. For the modern spouse, the idea of “submitting” can feel like an attack on autonomy. This is especially true for those of us who’ve been holding things down at home. We’ve also maintained responsibilities at work, in ministry, and in our communities. It can also feel like a call to silence your voice. But biblical submission isn’t about erasing identity — it’s about embracing purpose.

Let’s rewind to the very beginning: Genesis 2:18. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

That word helper in Hebrew is Ezer Kenegdo, and whew — it’s got some power behind it.

Ezer Kenegdo: The Helper with a Sword

The phrase Ezer Kenegdo doesn’t mean “maid” or “assistant” or “quiet little shadow.” It means a powerful aid — someone who comes alongside to protect, defend, and strengthen. In fact, the word Ezer is used to describe God Himself multiple times in the Old Testament — like in Psalm 33:20, where God is called our “help and our shield.”

Let that sink in.

The same word used to describe the role of the wife is the same one used for God when He shows up to rescue and defend His people.

That’s not weakness. That’s divine reinforcement.

So no, ladies — you were not created to be a footnote in your husband’s story. You were made to be the co-author. Your role is not about blind obedience or living in silence. It’s about partnership, covering, and helping your spouse walk boldly in their God-given purpose. And husbands, this submission conversation? It’s not one-sided.

Mutual Submission: It’s a Two-Way Street

Let’s flip over to Ephesians 5, where Paul gives us the submission speech. You know the one: “Wives, submit to your husbands…” (Cue the sighs and side-eyes.)

But hold on.

Just one verse before that, in Ephesians 5:21, Paul says:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

There it is — mutual submission. Before Paul ever addresses the wives, he speaks to both spouses and establishes the foundation: We are all called to submit to one another in Christ.

And then Paul goes even deeper — he tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25)

Now, if we’re really being honest, that’s the heavier lift. Christ’s love wasn’t passive. It was sacrificial. He served, washed feet, and laid down His life. That’s the model husbands are called to follow. Submission is not domination; it’s devotion.

When both spouses are submitted to God and to each other, it doesn’t feel like one person is dragging the other. Instead, it feels like two people dancing in rhythm. Each steps in time with grace and humility.

A Fortress Built on Unity

Submission, when lived out biblically, is not a cage — it’s a covering. It creates an atmosphere where both spouses feel safe, seen, and supported. It’s where we say, “I’ve got your back,” not “I’m above you.” And in a world that often pits couples against each other in power struggles, submission invites us to build a fortress where God is the cornerstone, and we’re each other’s fiercest allies.

Coming Up Next: Let’s Talk About Sex (Yes, Really!)

Now that we’ve cleared the air on submission, get ready — next week, we’re diving into the next brick in our Love Fortress: Sexual Satisfaction.

We’ll talk about why intimacy is more than just physical, how to reconnect when things feel distant, and why God actually smiles on married sex (yes, the Song of Solomon is in your Bible for a reason!).

So stay tuned, invite a friend to the Fortress Builder Series, and remember: when God is the architect of your marriage, every brick — even the tricky ones — leads to something beautiful.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

Starve the Distractions and Feed the Flame

By Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Last week, in our post Building Marriages that Last, we introduced the idea of constructing a strong, fortified marriage, one that can weather storms, resist subtle attacks, and stand tall through every season. We talked about intentionality, spiritual alignment, and making God the architect of your relationship. This week, we’re diving into the very first brick that lays the foundation for a love that doesn’t just survive, but thrives. That brick? Fasting and prayer.

Let’s face it, modern marriages are under pressure. Life moves fast. Kids need things. Work demands our energy. Phones steal our attention. And before you know it, you’re in the same house, same bed, but miles apart.

Communication starts to break down. Passion starts to flicker. Resentment quietly builds. You begin to think, “Maybe we’re just in a rough patch,” but that rough patch turns into a dry season.

Here’s the spiritual truth: many of the challenges couples face are spiritual in nature; but we’re trying to fight them with natural tools. And that’s where fasting and prayer come in.

Jesus Made It Clear: Some Things Won’t Move Without It

In Mark 9:29, after the disciples tried and failed to deal with a spiritual issue, Jesus said something sobering: “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.” Read that again: nothing but.

There are certain strongholds in your marriage, be it emotional disconnection, recurring conflict, unforgiveness, neglect, or even just complacency, that will not budge without spiritual power. Fasting isn’t a hunger strike to get God’s attention. It’s a spiritual accelerator that clears away distractions so you can focus your heart, your prayers, and your energy on inviting God to do what only He can.

Fasting Isn’t Just About Food (Thank God)

Look, if you know me, then you know I love me some good Jamaican food. I mean, don’t come between me and a lovely bowl of chicken soup unless you’re ready for a situation. (Shhh… don’t tell anyone, but I’ve had full worship sessions thanking God for good food)

But seriously, fasting these days doesn’t have to mean giving up your favorite meal—though if God calls you to surrender the mac and cheese, I won’t argue. The heart of fasting is about giving up anything that’s been feasting on your time or focus. Whether it’s food, social media, your favorite show, or even your need to be right (oof)—it’s about realigning your heart toward God and saying, “My marriage matters more than my distractions.”

Because sometimes, what really needs starving… isn’t your stomach—it’s your schedule.

Here are some creative ways couples and individuals are fasting today:

  • Social Media Fast: Unplug from the scroll and use that time to journal, reflect, or pray for your spouse.
  • TV/Streaming Fast: Give up your go-to show for a week and replace it with intentional time together or in devotion.
  • Phone-Free Evenings: No screens after 7 p.m. means more time to talk, touch, or pray together.
  • Complaining Fast: Challenge yourself to go seven days without criticizing or complaining about your spouse. (It’s harder than you think… but so worth it.)
  • Coffee or Sugar Fast: If you’re a daily indulger, giving that up becomes a physical reminder to intercede for your marriage every time you crave it.

Remember, fasting is not about perfection—it’s about priority. You don’t need to fast flawlessly to see results. This isn’t a spiritual performance or a “holier than thou” competition. You’re not earning God’s love; you’re creating space for His presence.

The goal isn’t to check all the religious boxes or to make it through a 24-hour fast without a single hunger pang or mental slip-up. The goal is to say, “God, I’m putting You—and my marriage—at the top of my list.” It’s about intentionally pushing aside the noise, the habits, and the distractions to focus on what truly matters.

Even if you stumble, even if you start with small steps, God honors the effort. He sees the heart. And when you prioritize His presence over your preferences, He shows up in powerful ways. So don’t worry about getting it perfect. Just make it intentional.

The Love Ripple Effect

Here’s something you might not expect: when you fast and pray for your spouse, they feel it. Even if they don’t know exactly what you’re doing, the spiritual shift begins to affect the atmosphere in your home.

Imagine how it feels for your spouse to find out you’re skipping your favorite show, coffee, or even meals just to pray for them. That kind of love: sacrificial, spiritual, intentional, can spark a new level of intimacy and admiration. It tells them, “You matter to me. Our marriage matters to God. And I’m fighting for us.”

That’s how emotional walls begin to fall. That’s how broken communication starts to heal. That’s how great marriages stay great, and struggling ones begin to turn the corner.

Your Challenge This Week

Let’s build that first brick. Try this:

  1. Pick one day this week to fast.
  2. Choose one thing to give up that will help you focus.
  3. Use that time to pray specifically for your spouse and your marriage.
  4. Journal what you sense God is saying to you about your role in strengthening your love fortress.

Now that we’ve laid the foundation, we’re going to move into another powerful building block: Openness and Honesty. No fortress can stand without trust—and trust can’t grow where truth is absent. We’ll explore how to create safe spaces in your marriage where both partners can be real, vulnerable, and fully known.

Until then—skip the snack, seek the Savior, and keep building.

Because your love fortress is worth fighting for.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.

Why Women Need to Quit Shrinking and Start Shining

By: Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Let’s just call it what it is: far too many brilliant, bold, and beautiful women are dimming their light to make their husbands shine brighter. And not because they lack talent, ambition, clarity or (most importantly) faith; but because somewhere along the line, someone convinced them that their strength was a threat. That confidence is masculine, brilliance in a woman is something to be “toned down” and living out their God-ordained purpose is tethered to the way in which they support their men.

And so, the performance begins.

It’s subtle. It’s sophisticated. And at times, it’s even unconscious. But it’s happening—in kitchens, boardrooms, Bible studies, and dinner parties.

The Art of Playing Small (a.k.a. Strategic Cluelessness)

It usually starts with a smile. A deferential nod. A too-loud laugh at a not-that-funny joke. Suddenly, she’s asking how to reset the Wi-Fi, even though she’s the one who set it up in the first place. It’s not that she doesn’t know. It’s that she’s learned to make him feel like he knows best.

So she leans into performance:
“Oh honey, can you help me with this? You’re just so much better at it than I.” Translation: “I could’ve done it in 4 minutes, but I’m trying to keep you from spiraling into a confidence crisis.”

Career Acrobatics: The Backflip Into the Background

Let’s talk about ambition. She’s been offered a promotion, a big one. More money, more leadership, more visibility. But it comes with power. And with power comes tension.

So she starts to weigh it:
“If I take this, will he feel insecure?”
“Will I out-earn him? Outgrow him?”
“Will people say I wear the pants?”

Rather than risk unsettling the fragile balance, she politely steps aside. “Now’s not the right time,” she says. But it is. The problem isn’t timing—it’s social conditioning wrapped with a bow of guilt.

Emotional Labor: Where She Becomes His Life Coach

This woman isn’t just a wife—she’s a full-time ego management consultant. She doesn’t just support; she curates his reality. She minimizes her accomplishments so his seem larger. She edits her ideas so he feels smarter. She celebrates his mediocre while keeping her excellence under wraps.

Why? Because she’s been taught that protecting his pride is her job.

But here’s a question: When did marriage become a space where one must shrink for the other to feel tall?

Self-Deprecation as a Defense Mechanism

You’ve seen it—and maybe done it. “I’m so bad at math—he handles all the finances.” Or, “I don’t understand politics—I let him explain it.”
Even though she’s got the degree, the budget spreadsheet, and a folder full of receipts. But instead of owning her brilliance, she makes herself the punchline so he can be the professor.

It’s not humility—it’s survival wrapped in humor.

Faith-Based Shrinking: When Theology Becomes a Gag Order

In some religious circles, the message is even louder: He’s the head. You’re the neck. Which often gets twisted into: Speak only when spoken to. Lead only when no man is available. So even the spiritually gifted woman, the one with fire in her bones and revelation in her spirit, will sit on her hands during Bible study—while Brother John fumbles through Leviticus like it’s a Rubik’s Cube.

But while she’s busy dimming her voice, the whole room misses out. The insight she carries? The revelation she’s been sitting on? It stays locked inside—while the atmosphere stays the same. And deep down, she knows the Holy Spirit has been tugging at her heart, nudging her to speak, to share, to pour out. But she swallows it—for the sake of keeping the spotlight on him. And in doing so, she quiets not just herself, but the very move of God within her.

Performing Helplessness: The Cute Confused Act

You know the move:
“Can you open this jar for me?”
“Can you fix the printer?”
“Can you drive? I’m just not good with directions.”

Some of it is legit. But often, it’s theater. The goal? To appear soft, sweet, and dependent enough not to threaten the man she loves.

Because heaven forbid he realize… she’s actually unstoppable.

The Tragic Truth?

When a woman dims her God-given light, everyone loses.

She loses the fullness of her calling.
He loses the strength of her partnership.
The marriage loses its divine balance and power.

Because love that demands silence isn’t love—it’s a performance. And God never called His daughters to audition for acceptance. He called them to purpose.

Ephesians 2:10 reminds us, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”
That includes her voice, her vision, her leadership, and her light.

And Proverbs 31? It doesn’t describe a hidden, hushed woman. It describes a woman who “opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26). A woman who rises, builds, trades, teaches, and fears the Lord. That kind of woman is meant to shine.

So no, she wasn’t made to shrink behind a man. She was made to stand beside him—with power, with purpose, with divine clarity.

Because when both lights shine—hers and his—the whole house is filled with glory.

So here’s to the women who are done performing.

Who are tired of pretending they don’t know how to fix the TV.
Tired of trading dreams for domestic approval.
Tired of silencing their voice in the name of submission.

Let this be the year you stop dimming your light and start living in the full wattage of your calling.

Because a woman who shines doesn’t cast a shadow on her husband—she helps him see better.

Shine, sis. Shine so bright you light up the whole house and ultimately the world!

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.