By Chauna-Kaye Pottinger
New Year’s Day is a time when most of us hit the reset button, as we reflect on our achievements and shortcomings over the course of the past year and seek to make plans on how we will right the wrongs for the upcoming year. If I should describe the year 2020 as the year from hell, I am pretty sure that many would agree with me. Without exception, every single human being on planet Earth has been impacted by the onslaught of the global pandemic, caused by the novel Coronavirus (COVID-19).
With all the tragedies that have occurred within the space of a year, it wouldn’t be a bad idea for us all, if we should just seek some kind of therapy in order to explore whether or not we are coping with this thing in a healthy way. Seriously though, don’t you agree? Are we equipped with the tools we need to cope in 2021? I mean come on, as if life wasn’t challenging enough already, you add a pandemic in the mix and it just really shoots passed hard to frankly unbearable levels.
Let’s do a quick inventory of some (I dare not attempt all) of the things we faced in 2020. Loss of loved ones to the cold cruel hands of a deadly virus, sustaining life-long illnesses as a result of being infected with the said virus, broken relationships, physical distancing that has restricted our freedom to move and gather as we see fit, wearing a face mask while in public, smaller funeral sizes, which has limited our ability to physically show our respect and support to the family of those who have lost loved ones, an avalanche of virtual gatherings (meetings, church services, conferences etc.), working parents have been forced to homeschool their children (my least favorite), a divisive and polarized election…need I go on? Oh! the list is endless.
With all of these losses and challenges, there is one important question that I have for you. Have you effectively and successfully grieved 2020 in the healthiest way possible?
Recently, I sat down with two mental health experts – Dr. Pearnel Bell (Clinical Psychologist) and Dr. Grace Kelly (Grief and Bereavement Specialist), to discuss the subject matter of grief and how we can intentionally get through this crisis so that as we launch into 2021, we can be equipped and ready to take on the challenges of a new year.
From that discussion I was able to put together a summary of coping mechanisms we can immediately implement in order to successfully grieve 2020. Are you ready to leave the baggage behind? Here is a list of some of the things you can actually do:
- Own the feeling: It is quite normal and healthy to feel the pain associated with a loss. Reflect on what you have lost in 2020 and be intentional about accepting the fact that it was a loss. For example, I miss getting dressed up and going to in-person networking events. What about you? What have you missed?
- Talk about it: it is important that you find an empathetic listener with whom you can share your feelings about the loss. For example, if you experienced the loss of a loved one, you can choose to tell stories about the person you lost, to honor their memory and legacy. “Having a trusted source that can serve as an outlet for you will go a long way in allowing you confront the realness of the loss you face, so you can be accepting of the need for change” Dr. Bell.
- Cry: many people view crying as a sign of weakness, especially adults. According to Dr. Grace Kelly, crying is quite the opposite of weakness because “it takes a lot of courage and strength to come face-to-face with the real pain”. Crying is a wonderful release of the tension caused by the pain or loss. So let the tears flow, don’t restrict them, because it will definitely can have a healing effect upon you.
- Find a relaxing hobby: some people exercise, others dance, paint, read, start a garden, volunteer, etc. the possibilities are endless. I personally have benefited immensely from dancing and painting. Whatever provides you with some amount of relaxation and release, go ahead and do it. I guarantee that you will find it to be very relaxing.
- Practice Mindfulness: It is quite helpful to take time out to meditate. Mindfulness is a “mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations”. Find a quiet place in your home or outdoors, practice deep breathing exercises, focus your thoughts on your breathing for approximately 10 minutes twice daily.
- Practice Gratitude as a Lifestyle: Whenever sadness and stress sets it, its not very easy to do this, but find 10 things that you can be thankful for or find someone to express gratitude to for the role they’ve played in your life and overall development. You’d be a mazed at the healing effect this can have on your mental well-being.
- Let Go: though this is the last one listed, it is by no means the least important. It is important for you to say goodbye. Say goodbye to the negative energies associated with the loss. Say goodbye to the loved one knowing that it is one way of expressing the fact that you will miss them. Personally, my faith and my hope in the resurrection has served me very well during my time of incredible loss. It has made saying goodbye much more bearable.
If you are interested in seeing the full discussion with Drs Bell and Kelly at Let’s Talk Life and Legacy: A Moment with Dr. Grace, use the video link below to access it.
My prayer for you for 2021, is that you will be able to realize your God-given purpose. I pray that as you rise above the challenges we will face in 2021, that you will have peace beyond measure.
Chauna-Kaye Pottinger is a Christian, wife and mother who is the founder and owner of Aprons ‘n Heels Blog. She lives and breathes her life’s calling of uniting her skills and talents with the power of the Holy Spirit in order to spread the good news of salvation to the entire world. Aprons ‘n Heels is a blog created to inspire and motivate professional christian women seeking to find a healthy balance between their home, work and spiritual lives.
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