Remembering Bunny!

My best friend went to see Fences and suggested that I check it out so we could share our thoughts on it. So I obliged and went to see the movie on December of 2016. Denzel Washington and Viola Davis showed-up and showed-out! The extraordinary thing about this film is that they delivered a stellar performance on what was considered an “ordinary” story line. It showed the intricacies that go unnoticed and the progression that life, chance and choices bring. Through that perspective we see that no life is truly ordinary at all.

I remember while watching the movie I turned to my husband and said “Denzel Washington (Troy in the movie) looks like my dad!” to which my husband agreed. Interestingly enough, the similarities between Troy and my father doesn’t end there. Like Troy, spending a few minutes in my father’s presence would leave you overtaken with a belly-full of laughter. On one occasion my brother France and Jaymie (my boyfriend at the time) stopped by the house on their way home and my dad being himself had us all on the floor, out of breath from laughter! We were laughing so hard we literally had to beg him to stop talking so we could take just one breath! Belly-busting laughter was the result of each word that fell from his lips.

As Troy, daddy had a huge personality. It was so big  it would “fill up a room and leave very little room for anyone else outside himself.” My siblings and I would joke about Daddy not being a day over 17. This was evident when after winning $7 Million dollars it took him less than two years to spend it all! And dont think for a moment that it was all on us! If conventional standards were used to measure our “father” and his role in our lives, I know for sure that he would have fallen short.  In truth, my father had his fair share of limitations.

My siblings will tell different stories about daddy’s level of involvement in their lives, but we would all agree on one thing. His home represented fun, freedom and good food. After a long and tiring day at the river, we all looked forward to big show down of a soccer, cricket, site-and-site, Chinese skip or “bat’s ball” game with all the kids on that street on any given Sunday or on a hot summer’s day. We felt protected in his massive presence. His home also represented delicious and nutritious meals because he was such an excellent cook. I would do anything to have his meals right now!

Daddy was present for all the major milestones in my life and although I am not alone when I say that my father was far from perfect, the movie Fences taught me something. It brought me to the reality that from birth to death we are the embodiment of our cultivated and inherited tendencies. Some of us through the help of the Holy Spirit and a supportive community of people are able to make better choices while others for various reasons fail. The discussion held between Rose and her son at the end of the movie helped me to accept my father’s shortcomings on the basis that people are incapable of giving something that they don’t have, but that should never prevent us from loving them. It should never prevent us from respecting who they are even if they don’t measure up to what society considers to be great. Doing this requires acknowledgment and acceptance. Regardless of our perspective, our angst, we cannot change them. We can choose to accept the providence that God did not make a mistake by placing them in our lives. The choice is to love in-spite of,  I understand that more so now.

I can’t help but feel like I lost the time that the epiphany from Fences brought. It feels like it came 15 years too late. Within less than a month of watching this film, I lost my father to the cold, stinging hands of death and if I had it to do all over again, I would have told him I loved him more. I would have checked in on him. I wouldn’t be so absorbed in my life that no room was left for him. I could hear him saying whenever I called “this long time mi nuh hear from you…you can’t call me mon?” and that haunts me. The past, I can never go back and change, but I will spend the rest of my life honoring his memory. My children will hear tales about him, and  I will choose laughter as the medicine to combat life’s challenges.

In the last days of his life the conversations we had were some of the most conscious and sobering we’ve had all my life. Those memories are untouchable and I will treasure them for time and eternity. They are treasured because it was those conversations that led me to believe that God had finally taken up residence in my father’s heart. My fathers life was no ordinary life, it was extraordinary and his legacy lives on through us and his memories are carried deep within our hearts. I encourage you to Cherish the moments we have with those we love…and never miss an opportunity to show them that we love them!