Starve the Distractions and Feed the Flame

By Chauna-Kaye Pottinger

Last week, in our post Building Marriages that Last, we introduced the idea of constructing a strong, fortified marriage, one that can weather storms, resist subtle attacks, and stand tall through every season. We talked about intentionality, spiritual alignment, and making God the architect of your relationship. This week, we’re diving into the very first brick that lays the foundation for a love that doesn’t just survive, but thrives. That brick? Fasting and prayer.

Let’s face it, modern marriages are under pressure. Life moves fast. Kids need things. Work demands our energy. Phones steal our attention. And before you know it, you’re in the same house, same bed, but miles apart.

Communication starts to break down. Passion starts to flicker. Resentment quietly builds. You begin to think, “Maybe we’re just in a rough patch,” but that rough patch turns into a dry season.

Here’s the spiritual truth: many of the challenges couples face are spiritual in nature; but we’re trying to fight them with natural tools. And that’s where fasting and prayer come in.

Jesus Made It Clear: Some Things Won’t Move Without It

In Mark 9:29, after the disciples tried and failed to deal with a spiritual issue, Jesus said something sobering: “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.” Read that again: nothing but.

There are certain strongholds in your marriage, be it emotional disconnection, recurring conflict, unforgiveness, neglect, or even just complacency, that will not budge without spiritual power. Fasting isn’t a hunger strike to get God’s attention. It’s a spiritual accelerator that clears away distractions so you can focus your heart, your prayers, and your energy on inviting God to do what only He can.

Fasting Isn’t Just About Food (Thank God)

Look, if you know me, then you know I love me some good Jamaican food. I mean, don’t come between me and a lovely bowl of chicken soup unless you’re ready for a situation. (Shhh… don’t tell anyone, but I’ve had full worship sessions thanking God for good food)

But seriously, fasting these days doesn’t have to mean giving up your favorite meal—though if God calls you to surrender the mac and cheese, I won’t argue. The heart of fasting is about giving up anything that’s been feasting on your time or focus. Whether it’s food, social media, your favorite show, or even your need to be right (oof)—it’s about realigning your heart toward God and saying, “My marriage matters more than my distractions.”

Because sometimes, what really needs starving… isn’t your stomach—it’s your schedule.

Here are some creative ways couples and individuals are fasting today:

• Social Media Fast: Unplug from the scroll and use that time to journal, reflect, or pray for your spouse.
• TV/Streaming Fast: Give up your go-to show for a week and replace it with intentional time together or in devotion.
• Phone-Free Evenings: No screens after 7 p.m. means more time to talk, touch, or pray together.
• Complaining Fast: Challenge yourself to go seven days without criticizing or complaining about your spouse. (It’s harder than you think… but so worth it.)
• Coffee or Sugar Fast: If you’re a daily indulger, giving that up becomes a physical reminder to intercede for your marriage every time you crave it.

Remember, fasting is not about perfection—it’s about priority. You don’t need to fast flawlessly to see results. This isn’t a spiritual performance or a “holier than thou” competition. You’re not earning God’s love; you’re creating space for His presence.

The goal isn’t to check all the religious boxes or to make it through a 24-hour fast without a single hunger pang or mental slip-up. The goal is to say, “God, I’m putting You—and my marriage—at the top of my list.” It’s about intentionally pushing aside the noise, the habits, and the distractions to focus on what truly matters.

Even if you stumble, even if you start with small steps, God honors the effort. He sees the heart. And when you prioritize His presence over your preferences, He shows up in powerful ways. So don’t worry about getting it perfect. Just make it intentional.

The Love Ripple Effect

Here’s something you might not expect: when you fast and pray for your spouse, they feel it. Even if they don’t know exactly what you’re doing, the spiritual shift begins to affect the atmosphere in your home.

Imagine how it feels for your spouse to find out you’re skipping your favorite show, coffee, or even meals just to pray for them. That kind of love: sacrificial, spiritual, intentional, can spark a new level of intimacy and admiration. It tells them, “You matter to me. Our marriage matters to God. And I’m fighting for us.”

That’s how emotional walls begin to fall. That’s how broken communication starts to heal. That’s how great marriages stay great, and struggling ones begin to turn the corner.

Your Challenge This Week

Let’s build that first brick. Try this:

1. Pick one day this week to fast.
2. Choose one thing to give up that will help you focus.
3. Use that time to pray specifically for your spouse and your marriage.
4. Journal what you sense God is saying to you about your role in strengthening your love fortress.

Now that we’ve laid the foundation, we’re going to move into another powerful building block: Openness and Honesty. No fortress can stand without trust—and trust can’t grow where truth is absent. We’ll explore how to create safe spaces in your marriage where both partners can be real, vulnerable, and fully known.

Until then—skip the snack, seek the Savior, and keep building.

Because your love fortress is worth fighting for.

Chauna-Kaye Pottinger a devoted Christian residing in sunny Orlando, Florida. As a loving wife and mother, she gracefully balances her roles with a fervent dedication to her faith. Chauna-Kaye’s heart is set on reaching Heaven, and she channels her passion into inspiring everyone she encounters to embark on the same spiritual journey. Through her blog, she shares insights, experiences, and unwavering enthusiasm for a life centered on faith and eternal purpose. Join Chauna-Kaye as she navigates the path to Heaven, encouraging others to walk alongside her in this transformative quest.